How can I be so close to you
but not exist…
Everyone is welcome
How can I be so close to you
but not exist…
We have been confined
Unable to help
Searching for you
As you have no-one else
Finally I know
You have been taken ill
But your whereabouts unknown
A very bitter pill
I know now
That it will not be too long
I will find answers
And what has been going on
You will know you have someone
That cares about you
Because in this life
We do what we have to do
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I never thought that I would leave
I have always been confortable
The greater unknown never appealed
I preferred not to know
Not to venture
To search for a new life
To raise a child
Not knowing the language
Fear never really imposed
Until the final moment
As if a knife to my throat
With failure marked on the blade
Ready to pierce my skin
At any moment
With the burning fires behind my back
That would melt my skin
If I ever looked back
I would walk blindly
Into the unknown
Fear i would brush aside
I will not be burned
As I would not look back
I may bleed
As I lose my way
But I will not submit
Never
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I used to love to dance
Majestically moving like silk in the wind
The music would play
And envelop my soul
Controlling my spirit
With its melodic hold
I would breathe it
With every movement
My body my treasure
My actions feel right
As it would move
Without having to think
I would dance forever and a day
Until I could no more
Stopped by my own weakness
Or until the music ends
But if I had my way
Time would never stop
And neither would I
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Why when I cry does it never end
As I look at our first selfie
It has been merely days
But my chest tightens so much
When you touch my face
Just a moments embrace
Could satisfy me for an eternity
If we could stay forever
In each others arms
Why do you have to leave
Just an hour is too long
Like a needing puppy
I can only hope to cling on
I have only your scarf
With your sweet scent
To remind me of our precious time
Until the next time
I can breathe your air
My tears I cry for you
My proof of a joyful longing
To hold you once more
And this time
To not let go
.
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You gave me my teddy
To sooth away my fears
You hugged me tight
To calm my tears
You took me to hospital
When I cut my face
You fixed my bike’s tyre
Punctured in a race
You left the light on
When I was scared of the dark
You took me to play football
How I loved the park
You consoled me
When I lost my job
You gave me money for the rent
That helped a lot
You was there for me
When I needed to talk
I remember our Sundays
On the canals, those walks
You had an accident
The first of a few
Several more came
Didn’t know what to do
You repeated yourself
All the same stories
I would listen each time
You would never bore me
You would have a stroke
And never be the same
How you reacted
Hope it would never be again
But behind the stroke
There was something else
A cancerous tumour
Eating at your health
I remember watching you
Hugging you so tight
Not wanting to let go
Seeing how you fight
All the treatments
Eating you alive
Thank god you had
Your caring wife
You had lost your weight
Your strong cuddly frame
Now just a shell of yourself
Not to be the same
Until the day they called
And you was taken in
Hospital again
It would all begin
Holding onto your hand
I would watch you sleep
Quietly beside you
I would weep
Talking to you
Wishing you would wake
Come back to us
I would take your place
As the machine starts to beep
And I watch you go
I will miss you forever
My father, my hero
Oh how I hate the cold
The bitter morning
Leaving the covers a sufferance
As I scoot to the bathroom
Stubbing my toe
Silently cursing to myself
As I close the door behind
I can see my breath
Taking off my cheap pyjamas
Exposing my naked skin
It must be below freezing
Turning the four pronged tap
Hoping to myself
The water piercing
As is flows off my fingertips
And I wait
Anticipating warmth
Almost begging for it
With both hands in a prayer
Please let me have warmth
I phoned my mother tonight
I’m glad I did
Call somebody that you love
Alone in my tower
With nothing but the birds
I love to sing the day
Maybe you have heard
I hope my voice enchants
To put you under my spell
To save me from my tower
To save me from this hell
.
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I close my eyes
To think of you
To think of the things
We used to do
.
Pick up my second poetry book “Dare to defy” here
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