When we do everything we can possibly do and nothing is ever good enough.

Why do we continue giving it our all when things do not change?

Is giving up an option?

The next day is always slightly better than the day before, at least the debut.

When we exhale loudly it gives better emphasis.

Why is letting down others worse than letting ourselves down?

Why won’t the crickets shut the fuck up

Empty

Drained

Rejected

Sad

Angry

Disappointed

Questioning

Bitter

Reminiscing

Hating

Loving

Resentment

Gratitude

Emotional

Dejected

Lethargic

Suicidal

Appreciative

If I wasn’t living

I wouldn’t be feeling

The breath has gone

The spring too

Even looking at flowers

Just won’t do

The absence raw

Of what once was

Now with certain words

Left with just.. because

It was nice to love again

Even though short and sweet

The sweetest sugars

Have become bitter sweet

Embrace the life

To not rest glum

Not worry about

Finding someone

The time I spent

Feeling sorry for myself

Just moping around

Resting on the shelf

Watching myself

From just behind

Wondering how

To get out of this bind

It’s been months now

Maybe even years

I’ve been crying to myself

Inside tears

Still not knowing

The answers

Not even knowing

The questions

How can we start?

If we can’t even finish

My attempt

A pointless gibberish

Pathetic little me

In a cold hard space

I pity you

And your sorry face

I’m trying to enjoy the sounds outside the house

I love to hear the crickets creek

As I’m silent like a mouse

It’s nice to be by the water

Hearing as it flows

Listening out as the cars pass

Oh how they go

The night always brings frogs

Croaking happily

The occasional cat fight

Tearing with their teeth

Now I hear the birdies

Singing to themselves

Nice to lose my thoughts

And be in some kind of peace

Silence torturous

Am I good enough?

Self doubt more powerful

Than any kind of love

I cut myself deep

With every thought I have

Punishing myself

Looking over my back

I’m not good alone

With time to myself

More damage than good

Want to be anywhere else

I want to sleep

For the time to sail away

Fight the hurt impending

Keep it all at bay

Every day I have doubt

I feel that I’m never good enough

I question why you’re with me?

If I deserve your love?

Every minute of no news

I feel so insecure

Thinking that maybe you’re mad me

Thinking I’m a bore

Then I hate myself

For just being there

For just existing

Blankly just to stare

I sometimes just wonder

Why I feel this way?

My demons taunting me

They’re family, here to stay

Impossible to explain away

The tears cannot be kept at bay

The angst, the weight of it all

Just too much when you feel so small

Want to shrink to disappear

Even that hope eaten for fear

Life so cruel as loved ones perish

Feelings you held on to and cherished

Finding a way in a foggy abyss

Invisible footsteps path is amiss

Questions unanswered for many years

Searching the truth oh so near

But it cannot be found what matters most

Passing your hands as if you’re a ghost

It almost seems too good to be true

Finally wounds start to heal

Even the knocks are temporary

Demons remain strong with prying claws

Ever so piercing in every swipe

But the wounds will eventually heal

Determination the healing aura

Searching for the garden fauna

Feeling camouflaged if just for a while

To gain one’s strength, eventually a smile

Even every false smile comes to an end

Desperation feeling easier with a friend

When happiness and sadness tend to collide

Our morale seems to always subside

Taking each day a step at a time

Taking solace in beer and in wine

To drink and drug the problem away

To hide from life, keep the demons at bay

Sink or swim to never be sure

Looking over our shoulders forevermore

Negative fights with us every minute of the day

Time to sleep always kept at bay

Shame full force, looking in the mirror

Fogged up glass, nothing is clearer

Can we breathe this dark oxygen?

Or should we just leave this life of sin?