New work

Numb

Numb inside

Living with myself

Feeling constantly

On the shelf

.

I am difficult

To be around

To live with

Make others frown

.

It’s inside of me

Can’t explain it

I’ll just write

For now

.

Nothingness

Always and at once

Aching

To feel like before

.

Time has passed

Change too

I won’t

I know me

.

The sacred path

That we wonder

If it even

Exists

.

I’ll never get there

Nor do I want

All is fake

A myth

.

Hope is overrated

Live to die

Only waiting

Million questions why

.

We’ll just never know

Answers evading

Like the new

Disease

.

At least it’s better

Than suffering

Trying to work out

And explain

.

This horrid mess

We call a life

Make our mistakes

And ask. Why?

New work

Rendez-vous

Nervous, heart pumping

Appointment soon

Thoughts colliding

Impending doom

.

In the car

Radio loud

Having doubts

Wondering how

.

Receptionist scolding

Wrong room

Sorry miss

Face of doom

.

Hour waiting

To see the doc

Scrolling videos

On tiktok

.

Finally the moment

Take a breath

Approach the room

What will be next?

New work

Sure I won’t be missed

I hate money

It’s control over us

Can’t get enough of it

It causes such a fuss

.

Everything depends on it

Can’t get away

Always need more of it

At the end of every day

.

Debt comes to bite your ass

And it rips you a new hole

It tosses the windows out

Until the vacuum takes hold

.

There are always others

That are much worse off than me

But my biggest stress of all

It has its way with me

.

So much worry

So much stress

Sometimes wondering

What is this test

.

Cars always breaking down

Kids to pay for

Working for your job

Feeling like a whore

.

Now we have to live to work

To pay all the fucking bills

Eating all my insides out

Like a poisonous swill

.

What is next to save myself

To get away from this

Put a bullet through my skull

Sure I won’t be missed

New work

Suffering weep

So so young

In the bedroom alone

Dark dark feelings

In the family home

.

Penknife out

Grating the skin

Starting to cut now

Pushing within

.

Feeling the pain

Gritting the teeth

Seeing the blood

Feeling misbelief

.

Tears of rage

Flow from eyes

Hating everything

True despise

.

Hating life

To finally stop

Giving up

Had enough

.

Laying down

Looking up

Regretting now

The open cut

.

Old t shirt

Wrapped around

Foetal silence

Not a sound

.

Tired now

Suffering weep

Teary dreams

Fading to sleep

Searching for you

I never got to ask you

I never got to ask you

And now I never will

So many thoughts in my mind

Alone is how I feel

.

I cannot hit stop

My mind will not allow

If only you could hear me

My voice, somehow

.

What happens to our love

When we drift apart?

Where does it go

When we have to restart?

.

How much do we have to hurt

Before the pain subsides?

Does it hurt for them as well

How it hurts me inside?

.

Will it just pass away

Along with the time?

Will it just stay with me

One day to feel fine?

.

As lying to ourselves

To suppress the obvious truth

Seems easier to us

Than seeing the actual proof

.

And which of us is unbroken

Tattered in shadowed thoughts?

Now feeling enormous regret

Wishing that they had fought