depression · Life · New work

Rest in peace

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I feel so trapped in all that I do

6 feet under, no way through

I see the light, through the cracks

Other than that, it’s pitch black

I can’t breathe, no air left

When will I take, my last breath?

I claw with my fingers blunt till the end

Searching for help, in need of a friend

This coffin won’t open, closed from outside

Waves are crashing, soil subsides

Deeper my box falls, hurtling away

I will rest in peace, better that way

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My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · Life · managing depression

It all started when…

This is

My once upon a time

When the suffering commenced

And I began to rhyme

Family problems

With mum and dad

They were separated

I never liked that

As I was scared

Scarred in my heart

As a lost soul

Where to start?

Easy to cry

Never understood

Impossible to help

As if you could?

My shell protecting

From the outside

Impossible to open

This was my life

I would curl in a ball

To be alone

I hated myself

This was my home

Quiet at school

Colorblind too

Difficult to make friends

Oh so true

I would hurt myself

To inflict pain

Scratching my arms

What did it gain?

Burning myself

To suffer some more

Days dragged by

Like a chore

I wished to punish

To harm myself

Through all the torment

The mental health

Anger so dark

Eating away

Hard to push out

To keep at bay

Although crying out

Silently so

I needed help

For it to go

If someone was there

To listen, just that

It would of helped

A selfless act

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My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · family · Life · Love 2020 · New work

I wish I had someone to talk to…

I wish I had someone to talk to

How can I feel so alone?

Surrounded by my family

In my own sweet home

.

I can’t put my finger on it

Unable to understand

Why do I contemplate?

How do I withstand?

.

Constantly looking for an exit

I could leave if I want

Always putting obstacles

So that I won’t

.

Am I selfish

As I think of myself

What would I become?

If I became someone else?

.

I sometimes fantasize

About what could be the end

I think I need some help

I think I need a friend

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My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

Life · New work

Quarantined asylum

I’m searching for escape

Got so much on my plate

It’s too much for me

I wish I could be free

Pondering what to do

Even considered faking the flu

Just nowhere to go nowhere to roam

Stuck here grounded, consealed to the home

Pacing the walls up and down

Impossible to evade this frown

Space is eluding time to myself

It’s starting to inflict my mental health

Being selfish now thirst for solitude

My bubbled silence my way, not rude

Evading anger in every way I can

Because it is not an acceptable plan

Am I cowardly how I percevere?

I do not know, certainly not clear

Cannot run, never really been my game

I’ve always been too stubborn and refrained

How long can I last this intense pain

Hopefully not before I go insane

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Find my first poetry available for purchase

.

.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

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depression · Life · New work

Help…

I have never felt so alone

When surrounded by many

I have never felt so imprisoned

Even though I am free to go

I have never felt so hopeless

Even when I can choose

I have never felt so lost

Even though I know the way

.

My tears I cannot cry

My thoughts I cannot lie

My angst I cannot suppress

Even though I try

.

Trapped doing the same each day

The same old daily grind

Gaping hole inside of me

The bottom you won’t find.

.

I have never felt like escaping

As much as I do now

To end it all as a coward

The only way I know how

depression · Life · love

Unsavable

Nothing can describe this emptyness

Never reaching chasms

As if falling continously

Unscared, unworried

Nothingness, air passes by

No sound

Turning and turning

I want to feel

To drive a jagged rock through my body

To suffer real pain

Fear to impose

Adrenaline to envelop

Outer body outer mind

I can only look on

This pointless solitude

Cannot be helped

Cannot be heard

Patheticness

Pityful screaming inside

Let me fall

I am

Unsavable

depression · Iambic Pentometer

Please help

I feel so empty, I cannot describe

It’s a mess, this thing that I call a life.

It’s eating away at me, black inside

Destroying me, controlling as I slide.

Down to the blackest depths, clouds all around

Impossible to see or make a sound.

Coughing out loud, I’ve suffered for so long

Crimson fills my hands, something must be wrong.

Pointless, destitute, feelings that one has

Exhaling smoke, cold reflecting on past.

Friends, what are they? Absent in time of need

Always there for a handout, with their greed.

Unneeded scum, better off that I’m dead

At least I have no shame, hanging my head.

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Phil lister 02/06/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com