Everyone is welcome
Why are we trained to look for love?
In all around us, never enough
We search and search till we can’t no more
Finding someone and feeling sure
Then it all subsides and we let ourselves go
Until we have dug ourselves the biggest hole
Buried in debt anxiety and stress
Look for a way out from the mess
Starting from zero many years older
Much more anxiety upon the shoulders
Do we need someone? Maybe it would be nice?
Even more undecided how to get through life
Forgive yourself
It’s not your fault
It doesn’t matter
What is broke
You have to build
To start again
To heal yourself
To find a friend
Talk to someone
Keep them close
You need that now
Probably the most
It will get better
A day at a time
Love yourself
And you’ll be fine
Some days are just so hard
I have anxiety issues now
I never knew what anxiety was before
One little thing wrong and my day spirals
I have to take a pill straight away
It’s debilitating being in this frame of mind
And for me it’s mild
The breakup, when the kids aren’t there
That’s the hardest
When you start having really bad thoughts
Think my problem at the moment is thinking how much of a failure I am
Work, home, work, home
For what?
For what
I’m looking to be happy again
One day at a time
It’s been hard recently
Even finding words to rhyme
Just existing is hard to do
Sometimes wanting something new
But all is hard and effort is taxing
I’m afraid my limit is already at maximum
For all that have fallen and passed through my hands
Unfortunately I have never been a strong enough man
Even one step in front of me seems blocked everyday
I have to break myself to pass and find a way
But every time I break I have to put myself back together
This healing is so long, I fear it could last forever
What do I use to build myself back up?
Every time I glue I always come unstuck
I don’t trust anymore to accept someone’s help
Am I really destined to be by myself ?
Feelings dire
As alone again
Overwhelming
Until when
I can’t work out
Why I feel?
So bothered now
Lost the will
I cry inside
To myself
Silently
Never out
I’m always strong
Can’t you see?
Look at me
Happy, be free
It’s all a lie
I’m dead inside
Pushing away
Through the tide
Why is it here?
This crippling force
Suffocating
With all its torque
It will last for hours
A day or two
Until it eats me
Until it’s through
I thought I wanted it
My mind lied
It told me I did
It’s not the case
I have gone so long
Just getting by
Dipping confrontation
Forgoing why
And now all his changed
I can be free
To want again
To restart
The problem is
I don’t know how
I can’t force myself
And I don’t want to
Why do I do this?
Want something
Then when it’s there
Throw it far away
What’s wrong with me?
Is it me?
Yeah, it’s fucking me
I’m so broken
I am so broken I have forgotten how to love
I cannot think straight nor keep my head in touch
My daydream takes over as I look for escape
I aimlessly drive, not knowing the place
Whenever I rest my eyes my brain awakes
Pulsating my body into further mistakes
My engine room is empty, no longer any fuel
My heart is barely beating, losing any will
I don’t like the rain
How it makes me feel
Stuck indoors
With life so real
How can I change?
If I’m gonna get wet
I don’t like the feeling
What to expect
It all seems so much
Too many things to deal
Why does it do this?
Make everything surreal
I just want the warmth
So I can suppress
To pretend for a moment
And forget the mess
As I take a new breath
Sucking in the air
I can breathe now
Because I know you’re not there
I no longer have to please
To do what you want
I can please myself
Stop putting on a front
It has been way too long
Being not me
Didn’t know what smiling was
Until the day I was free
For anyone who knows me. I am going through a breakup with my longtime partner of 9 years, we have a child together and everything is complicated. We try to stay amicable and I try to be careful with any of my work to not be disrespectful.
I recently found a house to move in to and it’s me moving out of the family home 10 minutes away. We announced our decision to our child and my other child from a past relationship too. They took the news extremely well. I don’t know if our daughter realises fully but we are not going to focus on the negatives when she is seeing it positively, why should she be depressed when she seems very happy. It’s been a long time since mummy and daddy cuddled or kissed in front of her. I think even a 6 year is not oblivious to the signs even if you think they are. Children are very intelligent.
Anyway, I am moving out over yesterday, today and tomorrow. Doing it by myself, a 40 year old with a dodgy back, I’ve done the hardest step yesterday, 2 days to go.
Me and my little girl will be sleeping at the new place tonight, I have to buy a ton of things, will probably forget tons of things, will see.
Don’t be like me and stay in a loveless relationship for the sake of your child. It is painful, it will undoubtedly be painful, I have lost 6 kgs, put on a bit and the last 3 weeks I have lost 3 kgs again, normal with the stress I think.
Do the kindest thing for everyone and think about yourself. Put yourself first, and if someone tells you that you are selfish, ignore it. Self help starts with self!
Love yourself
Listerslyrics 