Tag: Life

New work

My friend at the beach

Phil Lister3 Comments

I want to go the beach

I want to find my friend

I want to take my clothes off

And go around the bend

I want to love my partner

To sensually intwine

I want to give them everything

Everything that’s mine

I want to feel them on me

To feel myself inside

I want to feel the waves beat

As our skins collide

I want to see the water

Thrash against our skin

I want to push my hands in

And tickle away the sin

I want to feel lost

Till I can never be found

I want you inside me

Like I never knew how

I want to release so hard

Like I never have before

I want it to last forever

And to go on forever more

Will you be with me

When the sun goes down

Now we are wearing each other

As we finally drown

New work

Your final breath

Phil Lister3 Comments

I love to watch from afar

Your every move, superstar

To see you dance and see you play

To hear you talk in every way

A goddess so charismatic I rest in awe

Being around you never a chore

Getting closer now, I can almost touch

This love for you is turning to lust

I can smell your scent driving me wild

Instinct eating me, pure and vile

As my claws come out I pounce upon

I never miss, this won’t take long

As I open my mouth and feast on your neck

I take from you your final breath

New work

I’m gonna win

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It’s nice to see the orange and the blue

To wake me up and push on through

To start with the freshness of the day

To respire and blow the dust away

I need this feeling to make me feel better

A funny little thing, just a bit of good weather

Taking deep breaths all the way in

Come on life, I’m gonna win

New work

Did you ever care?

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I am empty

I have never felt this drained

So many years

Constantly strained

I have nothing left to give

I don’t even feel I can fight

I have no gas in the tank

No wings to take flight

I always say yes

I have no courage to say no

A perfect idiot

What a freak show

Every depense

Is hemorrhaging me

My energy spewing out

Can’t remember the last time I was me

Your narcissistic ways

I’m sure you’re not aware

How you’ve always treated me

Did you ever care?

New work

I’m too proud to ask

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I wish I could say sorry for being me

I’m not all what I was meant to be

I disappointed you in everything I did

Every conflict I ran and hid

I forgot everything I messed it all up

I drove you crazy till you got fed up

I tried to seek help that didn’t help much

I disappointed myself, a messed up fuck

How can I love you when I can’t even love me?

I can’t escape my mind, no get out of jail free

I torture myself with every thought while alone

Who would I call if I picked up the phone?

No one listens or offers help

I’m too proud to ask for my mental health

New work

Thank you

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Thank you for sewing my seed

Watering me

Giving me light

And keeping me out of the cold

.

Thank you for nurturing me

As I start to sprout

Spreading my leaves

And settling roots

.

Thank you for watching me

As I bud my first flower

Waiting for the sun

And opening

.

Thank you for watering me

As I enjoy the sun’s rays

The visiting bees

And the warmth

.

Thank you for picking me

As I enjoy the water

The approving comments

And the love

.

Thank you for throwing me away

As I enjoy the earth

The coldness

And the elements

.

Thank you for remembering me

My beauty

How I made you feel

And don’t forget me

Feel good · New work

In making the next step

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I don’t know why I’m here really

The purpose or the point

Just to serve others

In oiling their joints

.

I can see why people have enough

I can see why they let go

Looking upon our lives fuck up

A piss poor horror show

.

Starting from nothing

I will build myself again

I will try to set the foundations

Before fixing the frames

.

I am so tired of falling apart

With everything I try to build

I have to protect myself

In every way with a shield

.

I have hurt myself and others

I admit I am certainly at fault

But I will not live in the past

From now on I will revolt

.

In making the next step

I will take several more

I hope to enjoy myself

Life being less of a chore

.

New work

With just a little love

Phil Lister2 Comments

Are you in love with her?

Could it be different this time?

If you could change yourself?

Maybe you’d be fine?

.

Such damaged goods

That could never be loved

Left out in the cold

Trampled into the mud

.

But someone took pity

Seeing the good in you

Glueing the cracks together

So the light won’t shine through

.

Fragile but looking good

Back on the shelf

Mended almost perfectly

Trying to get back your better self

.

One person’s caring

Can change you so much

Just brightening your day

With just a little love

Depression diaries · Feel good

I will feel better 6 9 23

Phil Lister1 Comment

I could have done it

I probably should have

But all this is getting to me

You know how every single thing gets on top of you

Every single thing feels like a chore

When you just can’t see the point

I mean why the fuck?

Everything that I have done over the last 22 years of adulthood

Why?

Am I the bad person?

Am I the narcissist?

I know that I am to blame

I admit it

But god, life is punishing

We live to work and we work to live

That pension is not gonna pay itself and it’s not gonna go far

How do people afford cars, houses, even a god damn holiday when they have kids?

What do we have to give to them?

Why are we so scared of failing them?

Why are we so scared to make the same mistakes as our parents and we go ahead and do it anyway?

When we try so hard to be positive, for what? To feel better ?

When we need to speak to someone for help, why should we have to pay for it? It’s not help, it’s a fucking service.

Why do we feel we can’t talk and we can’t trust other people because no one will listen or care? And does it even matter?

I needed to write what I feel here. I needed to share. I feel I can talk to strangers, this is a safe place. These are my feelings.

I hurt, cry, bleed, suffer, scream and fart.

I am human

I am me

I am proud to be me

I will banish the negative

I will feel better

I will be better

You are welcome to join me

I want to heal

I need to heal

I will heal

I will stand up for myself

Phil 6 9 23