Diary · Life

9/jan/21

Another freezing cold day in france starting at minus 3. Our small oil radiator en route 24 7. Just managed to make coffee and open and close the fridge 3 times because I forgot if I had put milk in.

It’s the 9th January, so much to do, Christmas decorations must come down, probably bad luck if not. About 3 lots of laundry to fold and put away and probably at least 3 that needs doing.

Trying to sup my coffee before the little one wakes up. Too late, guess I will have company. Need to get to the doctors and wait for an appointment alone. Need to book two weeks in advance here and wait an hour too. Got my earphones ready.

What are you upto today?

Phil

Diary · Life

Too tired to care

An especially tiring week this week.

Still trying to locate my cousin Peter. Impossible. I have found out that he is in care but the social services will not let me contact him because of data protection.

A full week back at work after my holiday, 3 days a week there, 2 at the house. The drive, the little one, the late nights and the early mornings just too much.

So tired and drained now. Have a great Friday night, stay safe

Phil

family · Life · love · New work

I will find you !

We have been confined

Unable to help

Searching for you

As you have no-one else

Finally I know

You have been taken ill

But your whereabouts unknown

A very bitter pill

I know now

That it will not be too long

I will find answers

And what has been going on

You will know you have someone

That cares about you

Because in this life

We do what we have to do

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depression · family · happy · Life · New work · Success

I will not submit. Never!

I never thought that I would leave

I have always been confortable

The greater unknown never appealed

I preferred not to know

Not to venture

To search for a new life

To raise a child

Not knowing the language

Fear never really imposed

Until the final moment

As if a knife to my throat

With failure marked on the blade

Ready to pierce my skin

At any moment

With the burning fires behind my back

That would melt my skin

If I ever looked back

I would walk blindly

Into the unknown

Fear i would brush aside

I will not be burned

As I would not look back

I may bleed

As I lose my way

But I will not submit

Never

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Life · New work

The power of dance

I used to love to dance

Majestically moving like silk in the wind

The music would play

And envelop my soul

Controlling my spirit

With its melodic hold

I would breathe it

With every movement

My body my treasure

My actions feel right

As it would move

Without having to think

I would dance forever and a day

Until I could no more

Stopped by my own weakness

Or until the music ends

But if I had my way

Time would never stop

And neither would I

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Life · love · Love 2020 · New work

First impressions

Why when I cry does it never end

As I look at our first selfie

It has been merely days

But my chest tightens so much

When you touch my face

Just a moments embrace

Could satisfy me for an eternity

If we could stay forever

In each others arms

Why do you have to leave

Just an hour is too long

Like a needing puppy

I can only hope to cling on

I have only your scarf

With your sweet scent

To remind me of our precious time

Until the next time

I can breathe your air

My tears I cry for you

My proof of a joyful longing

To hold you once more

And this time

To not let go
.

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family · Life · love · New work

My hero

You gave me my teddy

To sooth away my fears

You hugged me tight

To calm my tears

You took me to hospital

When I cut my face

You fixed my bike’s tyre

Punctured in a race

You left the light on

When I was scared of the dark

You took me to play football

How I loved the park

You consoled me

When I lost my job

You gave me money for the rent

That helped a lot

You was there for me

When I needed to talk

I remember our Sundays

On the canals, those walks

You had an accident

The first of a few

Several more came

Didn’t know what to do

You repeated yourself

All the same stories

I would listen each time

You would never bore me

You would have a stroke

And never be the same

How you reacted

Hope it would never be again

But behind the stroke

There was something else

A cancerous tumour

Eating at your health

I remember watching you

Hugging you so tight

Not wanting to let go

Seeing how you fight

All the treatments

Eating you alive

Thank god you had

Your caring wife

You had lost your weight

Your strong cuddly frame

Now just a shell of yourself

Not to be the same

Until the day they called

And you was taken in

Hospital again

It would all begin

Holding onto your hand

I would watch you sleep

Quietly beside you

I would weep

Talking to you

Wishing you would wake

Come back to us

I would take your place

As the machine starts to beep

And I watch you go

I will miss you forever

My father, my hero

family · Life · love

Unjust


A cold wet morning

Masked whispering

As I study the clouds

Rain tickles my face

As I take in the emotions

The bells begin to echo

And slowly they approach

Followed by loved ones

Emotions overpowering

Tears weeping

As brothers work together

Friends with reddened eyes

Children in silence

So brave, quietly crying

What must they be feeling?

So young to have lost

So unfair

So unjust