Everyone is welcome
I am so broken I have forgotten how to love
I cannot think straight nor keep my head in touch
My daydream takes over as I look for escape
I aimlessly drive, not knowing the place
Whenever I rest my eyes my brain awakes
Pulsating my body into further mistakes
My engine room is empty, no longer any fuel
My heart is barely beating, losing any will
I don’t like the rain
How it makes me feel
Stuck indoors
With life so real
How can I change?
If I’m gonna get wet
I don’t like the feeling
What to expect
It all seems so much
Too many things to deal
Why does it do this?
Make everything surreal
I just want the warmth
So I can suppress
To pretend for a moment
And forget the mess
As I take a new breath
Sucking in the air
I can breathe now
Because I know you’re not there
I no longer have to please
To do what you want
I can please myself
Stop putting on a front
It has been way too long
Being not me
Didn’t know what smiling was
Until the day I was free
Do you ever feel like everything is too much?
Doing anything seems too much
Procrastination is all you do
Pleasure rarely exists
It is much too fleeting
Years waiting for time to just pass by
Sleep patterns so messed up
You either sleep or you think
Brain turns on like a switch
Overactive as always
Calculating every possible decision
Consequence or even stupid thing
You have to watch your phone
Just to zone out
To forget the day passed
To not think of tomorrow
Or whatever is to come
Draining off whatever emotions you have
To gradually fade away
I wish I could
I am empty
I have never felt this drained
So many years
Constantly strained
I have nothing left to give
I don’t even feel I can fight
I have no gas in the tank
No wings to take flight
I always say yes
I have no courage to say no
A perfect idiot
What a freak show
Every depense
Is hemorrhaging me
My energy spewing out
Can’t remember the last time I was me
Your narcissistic ways
I’m sure you’re not aware
How you’ve always treated me
Did you ever care?
I wish I could say sorry for being me
I’m not all what I was meant to be
I disappointed you in everything I did
Every conflict I ran and hid
I forgot everything I messed it all up
I drove you crazy till you got fed up
I tried to seek help that didn’t help much
I disappointed myself, a messed up fuck
How can I love you when I can’t even love me?
I can’t escape my mind, no get out of jail free
I torture myself with every thought while alone
Who would I call if I picked up the phone?
No one listens or offers help
I’m too proud to ask for my mental health
Thank you for sewing my seed
Watering me
Giving me light
And keeping me out of the cold
.
Thank you for nurturing me
As I start to sprout
Spreading my leaves
And settling roots
.
Thank you for watching me
As I bud my first flower
Waiting for the sun
And opening
.
Thank you for watering me
As I enjoy the sun’s rays
The visiting bees
And the warmth
.
Thank you for picking me
As I enjoy the water
The approving comments
And the love
.
Thank you for throwing me away
As I enjoy the earth
The coldness
And the elements
.
Thank you for remembering me
My beauty
How I made you feel
And don’t forget me
Are you in love with her?
Could it be different this time?
If you could change yourself?
Maybe you’d be fine?
.
Such damaged goods
That could never be loved
Left out in the cold
Trampled into the mud
.
But someone took pity
Seeing the good in you
Glueing the cracks together
So the light won’t shine through
.
Fragile but looking good
Back on the shelf
Mended almost perfectly
Trying to get back your better self
.
One person’s caring
Can change you so much
Just brightening your day
With just a little love
I’m broken
When them words leave my mouth I cry
To realise the fragile truth
Even when acting strong and wearing my mask
It is useless to hide it
Damaged interior
A vase that has been shattered into a thousand pieces and glued back together
The risk of breaking once more
Forever losing pieces
There is only so much glue
Sometimes the pieces won’t glue back
That once loved vase suddenly isn’t worth keeping anymore
So it gets replaced
Why keep a broken vase?
.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJbcCRYK/
I am tired from all the thinking
Of what is going on
I am tired of the situation
If I’m coming or gone
I don’t know what to do
I have little choice
I can’t really speak out
I seem to have lost my voice
Waiting is so tedious
What am I waiting for?
Better to watch paint dry
At least that isn’t a bore
I have to look after myself
I need to nurture my soul
For this eventual period
That is my only goal
Listerslyrics 