Silence torturous

Am I good enough?

Self doubt more powerful

Than any kind of love

I cut myself deep

With every thought I have

Punishing myself

Looking over my back

I’m not good alone

With time to myself

More damage than good

Want to be anywhere else

I want to sleep

For the time to sail away

Fight the hurt impending

Keep it all at bay

Every day I have doubt

I feel that I’m never good enough

I question why you’re with me?

If I deserve your love?

Every minute of no news

I feel so insecure

Thinking that maybe you’re mad me

Thinking I’m a bore

Then I hate myself

For just being there

For just existing

Blankly just to stare

I sometimes just wonder

Why I feel this way?

My demons taunting me

They’re family, here to stay

Impossible to explain away

The tears cannot be kept at bay

The angst, the weight of it all

Just too much when you feel so small

Want to shrink to disappear

Even that hope eaten for fear

Life so cruel as loved ones perish

Feelings you held on to and cherished

Finding a way in a foggy abyss

Invisible footsteps path is amiss

Questions unanswered for many years

Searching the truth oh so near

But it cannot be found what matters most

Passing your hands as if you’re a ghost

It almost seems too good to be true

Finally wounds start to heal

Even the knocks are temporary

Demons remain strong with prying claws

Ever so piercing in every swipe

But the wounds will eventually heal

Determination the healing aura

Searching for the garden fauna

Feeling camouflaged if just for a while

To gain one’s strength, eventually a smile

Even every false smile comes to an end

Desperation feeling easier with a friend

When happiness and sadness tend to collide

Our morale seems to always subside

Taking each day a step at a time

Taking solace in beer and in wine

To drink and drug the problem away

To hide from life, keep the demons at bay

Sink or swim to never be sure

Looking over our shoulders forevermore

Negative fights with us every minute of the day

Time to sleep always kept at bay

Shame full force, looking in the mirror

Fogged up glass, nothing is clearer

Can we breathe this dark oxygen?

Or should we just leave this life of sin?

Evasion is sweet

But it’s only temporary

For in the end

You are stationary

The voice is gone

As you just give up

Take what you want

I have nothing much

The barriers put up

In defence

Merely diversion

At what expense?

Sell your soul

To the devil opposite

Don’t ask forgiveness

He doesn’t give a shit

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