In my life
Out my life
We fuck when you want
Then you leave
Connection, ecstasy, contentment
Distanced, depression, emptiness
You want this
I want that
You win
I lose
Tag: relationship
Just because
Just because you can
Doesn’t mean you should
What do you think ?
Oh the irony
It just makes me laugh
I never was your first choice
Just not on your path
After months together
Finally ready to trust
I gave you the three words
In my book a must
We were happy again
I was in bliss
Good just being with you
Every little kiss
Until the day you left me
Distance so ever sure
You wasn’t replying
The story evermore
It hurt so much
But it wasn’t new
My head cried for my heart
Not knowing what to do
After a year we stayed friends
We still met
Nothing happened
Certainly wouldn’t bet
Until one night
We went out and had a ball
Fuck it was crazy
It had it all
Alcohol, dancing, clubs at 40+
Then it was sure
A kiss and cuddle
I was gonna score
So we went to yours
Drunken mess sex
Just enjoying ourselves
It wasn’t my best
It was one off
I was gone the next day
A silly mistake
It was nice to play
A few days later
Lighting my phone
You wanted more
To come to my home
So one more time
It happened again
A nice escape
With a good friend
You checked with me
That i was good
You said “just sex”
And I said “yes”
No news for two months
Until I text
Come to catch up
Hoping for sex
So this time we meet
It was all good
But she wants more
Not just some wood
To be a couple
But not really
“I don’t know for how long”
“What do you think ?”
Strongest pain is just numb
Anger builds
Pulse racing
Rejected again
Hurt within
Self doubt
Self hate
Noose tightening
Bitter tasting
Breath fading
Slowly wading
Questions pounding
Why why why
It never changes
Never fucking ever
Silence crushing
Company cutting
Glass piercing
Vein splitting
Crimson flowing
Bowl filling
Blood swimming
Obscene spewing
Nothing suprises me anymore
Strongest pain is just numb
A relationship misunderstood
We met, the first time
Me a beer, you a wine
Date went well, decided to leave
In front of the bar, tongues would not leave
Romance was our passion, so much it overflowed
So intertwined the first dates, not wanting to ever go
Weeks passed, our passion, pure desire
Questions raised, dousing our fire
Could we ever be together? let’s see how it goes
See what the future holds, I think we all know
Never really knowing each other, at least how we should
Just how it ending, our relationship misunderstood
And say goodbye
You were always honest
I cannot complain
Right from the start
The rules were the same
Wanting and wishing
For a little bit more
To feel closer
To warm my core
We started so well
It felt so good
I just don’t know
What I understood
The passion was so raw
Our appetites strong
Just the honeymoon period
Stringing us along
The text messages
Every single day
You were my friend
Keeping my demons at bay
I felt so close to you
That there was a spark
Me be foolish
Following my heart
The distance always comes knocking
The silence lasts a day
Before it was not possible
Just wasn’t our way
We became just partners
Good for an hour
The moment always great
The afterwards sour
I tell myself we need to talk
Even if I’ll be sad
Because lying to ourselves
Will just be as bad
You arrange for us to meet
Our first date in two months
I feel happy again
I didn’t know it was a front
I go to kiss you
You seem a little off
We sit down talking
In the shade to cool off
You wouldn’t let me take a photo
You’re so beautiful in your dress
I thought your actions were off
Something to get off your chest
It’s been a while
And you don’t see any sparks
I listen to you
Fidgeting with the grass
We both had similar thoughts
And this time it’s the end
I was losing you
And a friend
We sat in silence
As I rip up the grass
Listening to music
As people walk past
I decide to leave
As we walk to the car
I kiss you on the cheek
And say goodbye
Forget me
I’ve thought about you
For as long as I can think
I cherish the most
How much we speak
.
All the little comments
Sparking my delight
Makes me want you even more
Not just to pass the night
.
You planted the seed
A long time ago
You nurtured the seedling
As you watched it grow
.
You would water it
As you would see fit
Not really protecting it
Just a little bit
.
When confessing my feelings
Hoping there was a chance
You would pull away
Not even a glance
.
That plant you had nurtured
Was being left to die
With words uttered forget me
It was all just a lie
Dear diary 11/12/24
Dear diary.
It’s been a long time since I have written. It’s 1 o’clock here. It’s been a while since I have been alone. I have to say I have gotten used to it. Although not easy at times it’s ok.
There has been ups and downs. I have fell in and out of love more times than I care to remember and it hasn’t really been that long.
Trying to justify what love is. What we consider it to be. What I consider it to be. What is it. I don’t really know anymore.
I don’t know if I can be a better person. I would consider myself strong and weak. What a contradiction. Really. No one knows me better than me.
I have lost people. My best friend gone. How many times have I wanted to call him and talk to him. I realised it is that that I miss more than anything. And considering to start off with I hated talking on the phone to him. How we change.
Last weekend I made two lists. One of things I am grateful for or motivational words. The other a to do list. It’s funny but expressing yourself makes things easier to digest.
Go figure
That first beautiful kiss
To love someone you can’t have
To know they want you back
To have to practice patience
To keep your world on track
To battle the feeling
Of always being alone
To long to share the pillows
Wishing to have them home
Wondering what it would be like
To slowly caress their cheek
To see their first reaction
Without any need to speak
Forever gazing in their eyes
Fantasizing over their lips
Waiting for the time to cherish
That first beautiful kiss
One day you’ll be mine
I love this feeling
Wondering all over again
Could it be
Are you not just a friend?
I would never have thought
In a million years
I’d interest you
That you could ever be near
Nearly every thought
Is a dream of you
I laugh to myself
As I don’t know what to do
I am being patient
And giving you time
I’m wishing to the stars
One day you’ll be mine
Listerslyrics 