Everyone is welcome
I am empty
I have never felt this drained
So many years
Constantly strained
I have nothing left to give
I don’t even feel I can fight
I have no gas in the tank
No wings to take flight
I always say yes
I have no courage to say no
A perfect idiot
What a freak show
Every depense
Is hemorrhaging me
My energy spewing out
Can’t remember the last time I was me
Your narcissistic ways
I’m sure you’re not aware
How you’ve always treated me
Did you ever care?
Sick of being used as a pawn or a chump
So from now I’m certainly gonna start being blunt
Told what to do for so fucking long
Used to love her, or so goes the song
Try to change everything about myself
Even the state of my mental health
Tried being considerate, caring a lot
But I have to confess, I’m losing the plot
I tried to love, to care, in every way
Every initiation, I was pushed away
Until rejection invaded me, heart and soul
It tore my in half, no longer whole
She asked me to love her, to show I cared
I stopped wanting to, then I was scared
We drifted apart, never the same again
I lost a lover and I lost my friend
Plasters cannot mend severed hearts
We just need to have fresh starts
Maybe one day I’ll feel better again
I’m tired at the moment, all the same
To throw away our love that whimpered out
To now have nothing and to go without
To hate the day, to just want it to end
Feeling depressed, going round the bend
I breathe and move on and hope for a sign
But for now I just hope tomorrow I’ll be fine
What will you throw at me today?
What suffering do I deserve?
I am at the doctor’s for medication
As I have nothing in the reserve
I’m all out
I quit
My last bit of will power
Has turned to shit
I cried for an hour
I’ve had four hours sleep
I’ve lost 3 kilos
I cry when I speak
I admit I need help
I can’t go on
It’s not a form of weakness
You have to fight to be strong
My heart may not be with me
My head in space somewhere
Depression can be beaten
Even though I’m scared
It won’t be forever
Hopefully not too long
I need to feel better
Otherwise I am done
I used to love you
But even that seems a dream
We can’t even talk
I always make you scream
I stay silent
It’s better that way
I’ll just make it worse
Being there today
I count my words
Just in my head
If it was out loud
I’d cry instead
I don’t remember
How to smile
That is forgot
Forever while
I starve myself
I don’t want to eat
I lose myself
I don’t want to speak
I don’t matter
Anymore
I’ve just become
A depressing bore
I don’t want anyone
I ask to be free
A new start
Try to be happy
Why should I change?
When all I do is hurt
Rejection painful beating
Doing it’s beautiful worst
Being pushed onto a path
Land mines scattered round
Never have I though so much
Dancing without sound
And I say to myself fuck it
If I hit one of two
Because this pain I’m feeling
Is less than being with you
So I’ll lose a limb or an organ
But I’ll make a new start
I’ll still keep on going
I’ll always have my heart
Wake up, pull yourself out of bed
Get up, move that sleepy head
Bathroom, take your morning drugs
Mirror, don’t look at that mug
Kettle, boil that water good
Coffee, strong as it should
Sit down, play on that phone a bit
Sigh, world has gone to shit
Listen, to that silence all around
Can you hear? nothing, all around
Taste, that coffee, as it swirls down
Better, to soften the frown
Still depressed, can’t get out of bed
Move your ass, go get fed
Force yourself, to eat something
Wondering, what will this day bring?
Courage, go get dressed
Yesterday’s clothes, such a wreck
Hair, don’t worry, no one cares
Fuck em, they can all stare
Car keys, out the door quick
Fresh air, feeling sick
Do this, believe in yourself
For you! No one else
I’m really struggling at the moment.
I don’t know how to think, how to feel or how to be.
It has been a very long time coming and I don’t know what I really expected.
My determination is probably the only thing that is going to get me through this.
Even though I feel battered every which way from Saturday.
My sleep patterns are up the wall, I don’t care. I’m irritable, irrational.
My problem solving competences are terrible. I have a constant headache, often stomach aches and dizzy.
I look like shit
How do you get through it? What is the key?
I remember before
When things were good
When we smiled
When we laughed
When we cried
When we made love
When we talked for hours
When we cuddled
When we were close
When we were happy
When we were sad
That’s all they are now
Memories
Put one between my eyes
I hope I don’t feel it
Can’t be anymore painful
Than now
My emotions are really overcoming now
Trying to be strong
But the shell has been cracked
And water is forcing itself in
I don’t know what will kill me first
The suffocation or the want to leave
The tears won’t stop coming
I can be free but I don’t want to
I could leave but I don’t want to
I could end it but I don’t want to
I could live but I don’t want to
I don’t want to eat
I don’t want to live
I don’t want to work
I don’t want to love
I don’t want to be loved
Overwhelmed is a feeling?
Purgatory is possible when we are alive?
When I die I want to be burnt
I want to be free
Don’t put me in a box
Forcing people to visit me
Let me fly one last time
Let me feel the wind
I love not feeling it’s coldness
It feels good not being cold
I’m tired
I wish I could be helped
This soul is lost
It’s hard to find light
When darkness is all around us
I cut my eyes out
Because I don’t want to see anymore
Please take them
Please
.
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