depression

What is the key

May 28, 2023 Phil Lister4 Comments

I’m really struggling at the moment.

I don’t know how to think, how to feel or how to be.

It has been a very long time coming and I don’t know what I really expected.

My determination is probably the only thing that is going to get me through this.

Even though I feel battered every which way from Saturday.

My sleep patterns are up the wall, I don’t care. I’m irritable, irrational.

My problem solving competences are terrible. I have a constant headache, often stomach aches and dizzy.

I look like shit

How do you get through it? What is the key?

Why is depression so overwhelming?

August 18, 2022 Phil ListerLeave a comment

Why is depression so overwhelming?

It seems as if fighting it is useless but I don’t even know why it is there.

I didn’t go to bed with it but it lays with my head on the pillow and when I look at myself brushing my teeth.

The car journey to work automatic as my brain tells me stories of what I can do as it holds me captive as I cannot switch off.

It is so heavy, piggy backing me while I get my coffee and sit down at my desk.

Thank god I have my job to push these thoughts away.

Get off my back!

depression · New work

To for once have a voice

February 9, 2022 Phil Lister2 Comments

Looking for escape

From this rigid place

Impossible to go

Let alone evade

There is no door

Nor has there ever been

To think for myself

Would just be obscene

Trapped by all decisions

Weighing ball and chain

Never have enough

It has always been my bane

The air is now choking

Oxygen becomes gas

As I seek an exit

This sad story alas

My one last ounce of control

To make my own choice

To be a courageous coward

To for once have a voice

depression · Life · love · New work

A new start

January 1, 2022January 1, 2022 Phil ListerLeave a comment

Time whispering away

As snow patters to the floor

Chorus in the streets

Awaiting the new year

Saying goodbye to regrets

That we hold on to so deep

Cutting away through our skin

As we cry the tears we weep

Reflecting forever hard

On what cannot be undone

Trudging through the tormented life

Another year has begun

As the fireworks explode

In a chorus of hurrah

Forgetting all our troubles

Wishing they were afar

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08ZFHTJM6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Childhood · depression · New work

That’s a big mistake

July 25, 2021July 25, 2021 Phil ListerLeave a comment

That boy at school

Life already so hard

He teases me

Every day a new start

I never asked for this

To have him in my class

He always bullies me

Such an ass

He laughs with his friends

Just because he can

I don’t have any

No one understands

I work by myself

Always apart

I wear it on my sleeve

My fragile heart

Why do they have to be mean?

What did I ever do?

Am I so different from them?

Why do they exclude?

Days and days

This torment goes on

Nothing changes

The same repeating song

I can’t tell anyone

My mum doesn’t even care

I’m getting sick of it

I’m really scared

Being threatened now

Thumped in the chest

Shirt ripped down the side

I just want to rest

I am so fed up now

So I will bring an arm

I will wait for him

This time I will inflict harm

The last day of school

Before summer break

He decides to attack me

That’s a big mistake

Childhood · depression · New work

Be strong

July 24, 2021 Phil Lister4 Comments

Remembering when

We used to be small

When we used to laugh

A joy to be born

When parents could be nice

We weren’t beaten and bruised

Just relying on innocence

Not knowing the word abused

But a few of us unlucky

To be where we were

Silence and quivering

Not daring to stir

Not to get up early

Or to make a noise

Mustn’t disturb them

Cannot have a voice

The beatings taken

Black and blue

Bones cracked

Shattered through

Shy children

Not daring to talk

Too scared at school

It showed in the walk

Where would we go?

If we could ever run

What would happen to us?

If we returned home

We can always talk

Escape can be made

Talk to someone, anyone

You can get away

You can always talk to someone. The scariest part is leaving. There are always people that can help.

Be strong

https://www.amazon.com/author/philip-lister

depression · Life

If it makes you happy

May 18, 2021May 18, 2021 Phil Lister1 Comment

If it makes you happy

But you just wanna cry

You don’t understand it

And you keep asking why

Don’t stop fighting

You can get through this

You are strong now

Come on, one last wish

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08ZFHTJM6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1617778215&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

Childhood · depression · Life

This is my life

May 16, 2021May 16, 2021 Phil Lister6 Comments

I am cold

Nights on the street

Found somewhere to hide

Got nothing to eat

Don’t want to see anyone

Don’t want to be found

Sick of life at home

Felt so bound

My tummy rumbling

No money left

Got to eat something

Then I can rest

I leave my armchair

In a stone outhouse

To forage for food

Just like a mouse

To the corner shop

To browse the shelves

Beans and spaghetti

I help myself

Under my coat

I dart for the door

They try to stop me

I push them to the floor

I run back home

Shaken and scared

15 years old

My life laid bare

I open the can

With a rock and a knife

I eat my dinner

This is my life

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08ZFHTJM6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1617778215&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

depression · family · Life

Today I feel better

May 6, 2021May 6, 2021 Phil Lister1 Comment

Today I feel better than yesterday

It is less heavy and I can make my way

One day at a time look after yourself

Think carefully about your mental health

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.