depression · Life · managing depression · New work

Maybe the next time

As I awoke in my pit of despair

Laid out on the floor as a carcas left to rot

The flies were probably seeking their next meal

I was probably an eternity after the expiration date

Clutching my head as if it mattered

The afternoon sun pulsing through the dreary nets

The burning rays on my brow

Self pity was on my lips from the night before

Somewhere between the cheapest vodka and the stains on my shirt

A stream of bottles littered the floor

If only it was a river with a breakneck current

I wish it would suck me in never to return to my hell

Why is there always a next time?

An afternoon awakening sunrise

Maybe the next time I lose myself in the bottle

I can disappear for good

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depression · Life

Just because I don’t talk about it

Just because I don’t talk about it

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt

Hidden in the depths of me

Always getting worse

It is I who chooses to fight this way

Against my demons inside

If I choose to lock them away

Then my rules, they will abide

Even though they claw at me

To open to them the door

It is me that will keep them captive

Not them, not anymore.

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depression · family · Life · New work

I leave the home to walk a bit

I leave the home to walk a bit

To digest the day and breathe

All the heavyness that I feel

I need to be upheaved

A moment with the nature

For an hour or two

Until it gets dark

Or I haven’t got a clue

I need to empty myself

To push it all out

Release the negativity

The nuclear fallout

Oh that feels so much better

My time all alone

Think it’s time to go back now

To my family, my home

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Childhood · depression · Life · New work

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Little old me

On the chair praying

To and fro swaying

My voice so small

Do you hear at all?

My words I utter

Through my stutter

I just want to be heard

Just a few little words

But no matter what

I am forgot
.

.

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.
https://www.amazon.com/Rhyming-poetry-change-your-day-ebook/dp/B075D9D7FK/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=philip+lister&qid=1600712998&sprefix=Philip+lister&sr=8-1

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depression · family · Life · managing depression · New work

The thing about solitude is

The thing about solitude is

You can’t have enough

Even when you bathe in it

You’ve not had your drug

You want to be alone

Throughout all the day

You won’t go outside

Come what may

You don’t want to see friends

No not at all

Take the dog for a walk

Not your ball

You would rather stay inside

Drink and watch tv

For in our little head

It’s, well, to be free

.

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depression · Life · New work

I was now in my hell

Today I crave silence

To be with no noise

Escape the daily grind

Feeling like a toy

It’s nagging behind me

Slumping my shoulders

No power to fight it

My will like boulders

Showing its big white teeth

Take another bite

My soul laid bare waiting

No energy to fight

Devoured by darkness

Sadly for my heart

I was now in my hell

This was just the start

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depression · Life · managing depression

I want to fit in

.

I want to fit in but I am different from the rest

I want to be bigger but cannot help myself

I want to be beautiful but uglyness shines its evil light

I want to eat but just a little is too much

I want to be normal but I cannot help myself

I want to stop being sick but I can’t stop myself

How could anyone ever love my body when I can’t even love myself?

To look upon the mirror is to cry a river of tears at the person staring back

How can you understand when I am perplexed and confused?

How can you judge when I have been beat and abused?

I am tired from it all, I just want to be alone

The only person I trust is the person I hate

.

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depression · Life · New work

Rest in peace

.

I feel so trapped in all that I do

6 feet under, no way through

I see the light, through the cracks

Other than that, it’s pitch black

I can’t breathe, no air left

When will I take, my last breath?

I claw with my fingers blunt till the end

Searching for help, in need of a friend

This coffin won’t open, closed from outside

Waves are crashing, soil subsides

Deeper my box falls, hurtling away

I will rest in peace, better that way

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

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