New work

Even though you’re gone

I used to look for love

Craved it more than anything

But now I’m so lost on my path

Fighting myself within

Where did I wander?

Falling to the abyss

Why were my choices so wrong?

What was so amiss?

What is wrong with me now?

Why does it fall apart?

Such pity and self doubt

Pumping through my heart

I just question everything I do

As if every decision was wrong

How can you still be with me?

Even though you’re gone?

New work

Only the silence can hear me

Only the silence can hear me

My innermost thoughts

Can I confide in you?

Will you judge me?

I don’t dare say

Because I’m scared

I whisper

Then

Silence

.

.

I don’t know what to do

To say

Then

My words beat me

I just wanted

To confide

I’m sorry

Looking in the mirror

Shame staring back

Regret in my eyes

Why did you talk?

New work

Can’t do this anymore

Swallow me up

Spit me out

Crush me with your foot

And leave me to die

I don’t want to stay

To exist anymore

I fucking hate life

Every minute every chore

If I had the courage

I would end it all

But because I’m a coward

I’ll shoulder my fall

I hate it more

With every breath

What’s the point?

This torturous test

Take your head

Smash it against the wall

That’s what it feels like

Life this is called

Wish I could choke

Kick the chair to the floor

If I wasn’t so scared

Can’t do this anymore

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Suicidal swill

Drained, tired, had enough

This funny thing called love

Misunderstood words, different views

Body sick gonna spew

Recuperate energy, charge up

Batteries empty, never last

Easy way out, selfish way

Tablets cupboard, cowards play

Cocktail vodka mixed with pills

Do the trick, suicidal swill

.
Philip lister 15/10/17

Taken from Rhyming poetry to change your day by Philip Lister

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

His name is Jared

.

I longed to have a child, I longed to be a mum

But according to the medical world it could not be done

Oh the grief I felt to need to mother a child

Adoption for my partner just turned out too wild

So I sat there in my gloom, feeling sorry for myself

My motherhood instincts destined for the shelf

Somehow fifteen years on the ultimate miracle befell me

I became pregnant, how on earth, I was happy as can be

It was a shock and I went through it all

Resentment kicked in and denial, awful

It took some time but I came to terms

It took me a month but I soon learned

I was so happy with my baby and our future dreams

But nothing would ever turn out as simple as it seemed

I went in to premature labour, my son was born

It was too early for him and my heart was torn

He was given to me, my angel, my boy on my chest

Thirty minutes he had to live, then he continued his rest

Skin to skin, his heartbeat with mine

His breathing, me wanting to slow down time

He died in my arms, in my fucking arms

I would of given my life for him not to of been harmed

I laid for hours watching him, screaming, crying, wailing

Why this way? Why? I was in shock, even shaking

I examined him, every inch of his perfect face

I could not look away, his mother’s sweet embrace

I fell in love, real love that day

Love bloomed in my heart in every way

.

It is now 6 years on from the death of my son

I have learned so much and I refuse to run

It’s not like I could just walk away from my grief

Like trying to escape my arm, my leg or even my beliefs

I learned who my true friends really are

All their support, they were really my stars

And I sympathize with others now it wasn’t always the case

Because them empty friends were really a waste of space

And I know that I can’t control everything in life it’s not the way

I love you my son and I will always remember you on our day

.

.

A poem about the life of one of my readers. A massive thank you to you.

A beautiful and wonderful soul.

New work

I used to have a soul

These bars so solid

As I lay awake

I cannot move

I start to shake

I wonder what

Did I ever do?

Who I hurt?

I have no clue

Bound in chains

To never leave

Held in solitude

Just to please

Weak and malnourished

Hardley fed

Eaten by bed bugs

This sorry bed

As light shines in

My capture arrives

I wish they would kill me

This life so deprived

But they just look at me

No pity or shame

What’s on their mind?

What is their game?

I used to have a soul

Its spirit just left

It pitied me

Thought it would be best

New work

Have I become invisible?

Why can I not touch you?

Where did it all go wrong?

Why does nothing happen?

What is this song?

The days go by

The months rack up

Have I become invisible?

What is this love?

If I do not exist

Then why do we do this?

Put a stop to this torment

With a poison kiss

Forever searched love

In all its perfection

Maybe I will find it

In my resurrection

New work

How to get out

I need to get away

From this abuse so bad

Taking its toll on me

Feeling so sad

.

He’s not violent with me

At least not physically

Although it’s still torture

The way he bullies

.

You just wouldn’t know

He’d never do it to your face

The mental abuse

I feel so disgraced

.

I wonder why he does it

Why he has to control

He enjoys his puppet

That he can mould

.

Whatever he wants

His every whim

I have to do it

Or else he is mean

.

It just never stops

Again and again

I wish it would

I feel such shame

.

How to get out

How to leave

I’m tired now

I just want peace

New work

Selfish greed

I sometimes think of the noose

The great escape

The selfish greed of getting out

Leaving everyone to clear up the mess

.

The heavy sack on my back

Voluntarily pulling me down

I don’t want to breathe

I don’t want to fight

.

I’m tired

Good for nothing

What do I give?

What is the point?

.

If I could I would

Just give up

Fade away

Who the fuck cares