That’s a big mistake

July 25, 2021July 25, 2021 phillisterLeave a comment

That boy at school

Life already so hard

He teases me

Every day a new start

I never asked for this

To have him in my class

He always bullies me

Such an ass

He laughs with his friends

Just because he can

I don’t have any

No one understands

I work by myself

Always apart

I wear it on my sleeve

My fragile heart

Why do they have to be mean?

What did I ever do?

Am I so different from them?

Why do they exclude?

Days and days

This torment goes on

Nothing changes

The same repeating song

I can’t tell anyone

My mum doesn’t even care

I’m getting sick of it

I’m really scared

Being threatened now

Thumped in the chest

Shirt ripped down the side

I just want to rest

I am so fed up now

So I will bring an arm

I will wait for him

This time I will inflict harm

The last day of school

Before summer break

He decides to attack me

That’s a big mistake

Childhood · depression · New work

Be strong

July 24, 2021 phillister4 Comments

Remembering when

We used to be small

When we used to laugh

A joy to be born

When parents could be nice

We weren’t beaten and bruised

Just relying on innocence

Not knowing the word abused

But a few of us unlucky

To be where we were

Silence and quivering

Not daring to stir

Not to get up early

Or to make a noise

Mustn’t disturb them

Cannot have a voice

The beatings taken

Black and blue

Bones cracked

Shattered through

Shy children

Not daring to talk

Too scared at school

It showed in the walk

Where would we go?

If we could ever run

What would happen to us?

If we returned home

We can always talk

Escape can be made

Talk to someone, anyone

You can get away

You can always talk to someone. The scariest part is leaving. There are always people that can help.

Be strong

https://www.amazon.com/author/philip-lister

Rhyming poetry to change your day

I got 99 problems

May 19, 2021June 6, 2021 phillisterLeave a comment

I got 99 problems but my book ain’t 1

depression · Life

If it makes you happy

May 18, 2021May 18, 2021 phillister1 Comment

If it makes you happy

But you just wanna cry

You don’t understand it

And you keep asking why

Don’t stop fighting

You can get through this

You are strong now

Come on, one last wish

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08ZFHTJM6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1617778215&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

Childhood · depression · Life

This is my life

May 16, 2021May 16, 2021 phillister6 Comments

I am cold

Nights on the street

Found somewhere to hide

Got nothing to eat

Don’t want to see anyone

Don’t want to be found

Sick of life at home

Felt so bound

My tummy rumbling

No money left

Got to eat something

Then I can rest

I leave my armchair

In a stone outhouse

To forage for food

Just like a mouse

To the corner shop

To browse the shelves

Beans and spaghetti

I help myself

Under my coat

I dart for the door

They try to stop me

I push them to the floor

I run back home

Shaken and scared

15 years old

My life laid bare

I open the can

With a rock and a knife

I eat my dinner

This is my life

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08ZFHTJM6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1617778215&sr=8-1#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div

depression · family · Life

Today I feel better

May 6, 2021May 6, 2021 phillister1 Comment

Today I feel better than yesterday

It is less heavy and I can make my way

One day at a time look after yourself

Think carefully about your mental health

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

depression · fantasy

Don’t drop me

April 26, 2021 phillister1 Comment

For so long I have been used

Forever carried

Forever drank from

Forever eaten from

From one place

To the next

Never really thought about

Sure there have been chips

But I have lasted

If you really look after me

I could last for another generation

But if you don’t take care

Just for a moment

I could fall

And break

And yes

Maybe I could be glued

Back together

To be used again

But unfortunately

I’ll never be the same

depression · Depression diaries

Getting through it

April 23, 2021April 23, 2021 phillister6 Comments

One day at a time

Monday I hit 38, that hurt, I have no idea why, I have just been on holiday with the kids for a week plus working from home.

Monday I felt so down, overwhelmed, I did not know how to take it, depression kicked my head so hard. I started questioning why? Why did I feel like this? Covid? Confinement? Work?

I started looking out, thinking I may need to talk to someone, my partner came home, I cheered up a bit and had my birthday presents etc. I cheered up a little.

Tuesday passable

Wednesday, dont get me started, I was so depressed, i got through the work day, then got my daughter. I was gardening outside as it made me feel a little better. We came inside, she wouldn’t stop whining I yelled, she covered her ears. I felt so horrible. I was doing the washing up and just crying to myself out of guilt. Uncontrollably, I thought, I really need to see someone.

I started looking, do you know how hard it is to look for someone in France, well looking is ok, but choosing is harder. I decided on one, messaged a bit. Thought on it.

I went to work Thursday and Friday, I talked a bit, already I felt so much better being around people, maybe I just need to be around people, at least a minimum.

I can’t message the person to cancel and on the site I can’t even pay for the proposed sceance, oh well.

I am sure it won’t be long before my next episode, I hope it won’t be as hard to deal with. We will see, stay strong, stay positive, talk to someone If you feel this way.

The most important think is finding out why? What is really getting you. Me it was social interaction. I am an introvert. Go figure!

depression · Life · work

I’m not okay!

April 20, 2021April 21, 2021 phillisterLeave a comment

It’s hard

Not knowing why I feel this way

Confined for so long

Playing with my mental puppet strings

Pulling, yanking

Am I am just to dance?

A merry jive

To the music of the propaganda

The conspiracies

The lies of powerful people

That feel they do not have to abide

I remember the angst

The unruly mental thoughts

Skipping through my mind

As that rope slapped against my brain

Again and again and again and again

Should I even start on the job?

The thought of being a point to it all

No, a mindless trill

I am just expected to be good

And continue fucking on

Where is my value?

Am I just a tool in a workbench?

As I always will be

Until worn and I will be changed

Traded in for a younger model

At a discounted price

Now I know what to expect

It isn’t any easier

Nor shall it ever be

And before you ask

I’m not okay!

Get my 4th poetry book now

Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

Don’t forget to leave a review, have a great day!

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depression · family · Life · managing depression · New work