Sometimes silence is all I need
.
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Tag: depression
5. When you have lost
When you have lost everyone you loved
What’s the point of living and not giving up?
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Maybe the next time
As I awoke in my pit of despair
Laid out on the floor as a carcas left to rot
The flies were probably seeking their next meal
I was probably an eternity after the expiration date
Clutching my head as if it mattered
The afternoon sun pulsing through the dreary nets
The burning rays on my brow
Self pity was on my lips from the night before
Somewhere between the cheapest vodka and the stains on my shirt
A stream of bottles littered the floor
If only it was a river with a breakneck current
I wish it would suck me in never to return to my hell
Why is there always a next time?
An afternoon awakening sunrise
Maybe the next time I lose myself in the bottle
I can disappear for good
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Just because I don’t talk about it
Just because I don’t talk about it
Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
Hidden in the depths of me
Always getting worse
It is I who chooses to fight this way
Against my demons inside
If I choose to lock them away
Then my rules, they will abide
Even though they claw at me
To open to them the door
It is me that will keep them captive
Not them, not anymore.
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I leave the home to walk a bit
I leave the home to walk a bit
To digest the day and breathe
All the heavyness that I feel
I need to be upheaved
A moment with the nature
For an hour or two
Until it gets dark
Or I haven’t got a clue
I need to empty myself
To push it all out
Release the negativity
The nuclear fallout
Oh that feels so much better
My time all alone
Think it’s time to go back now
To my family, my home
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Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Little old me
On the chair praying
To and fro swaying
My voice so small
Do you hear at all?
My words I utter
Through my stutter
I just want to be heard
Just a few little words
But no matter what
I am forgot
.
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The thing about solitude is
The thing about solitude is
You can’t have enough
Even when you bathe in it
You’ve not had your drug
You want to be alone
Throughout all the day
You won’t go outside
Come what may
You don’t want to see friends
No not at all
Take the dog for a walk
Not your ball
You would rather stay inside
Drink and watch tv
For in our little head
It’s, well, to be free
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I was now in my hell
Today I crave silence
To be with no noise
Escape the daily grind
Feeling like a toy
It’s nagging behind me
Slumping my shoulders
No power to fight it
My will like boulders
Showing its big white teeth
Take another bite
My soul laid bare waiting
No energy to fight
Devoured by darkness
Sadly for my heart
I was now in my hell
This was just the start
Pick up my book Rhyming poetry to change your day – available now for free download
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I want to fit in
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I want to fit in but I am different from the rest
I want to be bigger but cannot help myself
I want to be beautiful but uglyness shines its evil light
I want to eat but just a little is too much
I want to be normal but I cannot help myself
I want to stop being sick but I can’t stop myself
How could anyone ever love my body when I can’t even love myself?
To look upon the mirror is to cry a river of tears at the person staring back
How can you understand when I am perplexed and confused?
How can you judge when I have been beat and abused?
I am tired from it all, I just want to be alone
The only person I trust is the person I hate
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My first poetry available for purchase.
Rest in peace
.
I feel so trapped in all that I do
6 feet under, no way through
I see the light, through the cracks
Other than that, it’s pitch black
I can’t breathe, no air left
When will I take, my last breath?
I claw with my fingers blunt till the end
Searching for help, in need of a friend
This coffin won’t open, closed from outside
Waves are crashing, soil subsides
Deeper my box falls, hurtling away
I will rest in peace, better that way
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My first poetry available for purchase.
