New work

How to get out

I need to get away

From this abuse so bad

Taking its toll on me

Feeling so sad


He’s not violent with me

At least not physically

Although it’s still torture

The way he bullies


You just wouldn’t know

He’d never do it to your face

The mental abuse

I feel so disgraced


I wonder why he does it

Why he has to control

He enjoys his puppet

That he can mould


Whatever he wants

His every whim

I have to do it

Or else he is mean


It just never stops

Again and again

I wish it would

I feel such shame


How to get out

How to leave

I’m tired now

I just want peace

New work

Selfish greed

I sometimes think of the noose

The great escape

The selfish greed of getting out

Leaving everyone to clear up the mess


The heavy sack on my back

Voluntarily pulling me down

I don’t want to breathe

I don’t want to fight


I’m tired

Good for nothing

What do I give?

What is the point?


If I could I would

Just give up

Fade away

Who the fuck cares

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Numb inside

Living with myself

Feeling constantly

On the shelf


I am difficult

To be around

To live with

Make others frown


It’s inside of me

Can’t explain it

I’ll just write

For now



Always and at once


To feel like before


Time has passed

Change too

I won’t

I know me


The sacred path

That we wonder

If it even



I’ll never get there

Nor do I want

All is fake

A myth


Hope is overrated

Live to die

Only waiting

Million questions why


We’ll just never know

Answers evading

Like the new



At least it’s better

Than suffering

Trying to work out

And explain


This horrid mess

We call a life

Make our mistakes

And ask. Why?

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Sure I won’t be missed

I hate money

It’s control over us

Can’t get enough of it

It causes such a fuss


Everything depends on it

Can’t get away

Always need more of it

At the end of every day


Debt comes to bite your ass

And it rips you a new hole

It tosses the windows out

Until the vacuum takes hold


There are always others

That are much worse off than me

But my biggest stress of all

It has its way with me


So much worry

So much stress

Sometimes wondering

What is this test


Cars always breaking down

Kids to pay for

Working for your job

Feeling like a whore


Now we have to live to work

To pay all the fucking bills

Eating all my insides out

Like a poisonous swill


What is next to save myself

To get away from this

Put a bullet through my skull

Sure I won’t be missed

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Suffering weep

So so young

In the bedroom alone

Dark dark feelings

In the family home


Penknife out

Grating the skin

Starting to cut now

Pushing within


Feeling the pain

Gritting the teeth

Seeing the blood

Feeling misbelief


Tears of rage

Flow from eyes

Hating everything

True despise


Hating life

To finally stop

Giving up

Had enough


Laying down

Looking up

Regretting now

The open cut


Old t shirt

Wrapped around

Foetal silence

Not a sound


Tired now

Suffering weep

Teary dreams

Fading to sleep

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Morning blues

So they call it morning blues

And it’s viscious too

Invading your mind

Seeping into

All the cracks

The crevices fine

Through the veins


How it weeps

Into the blood

Causing dismay

Abysmal drug

Face lay bare

For all to see

Go on look

This misery

As it lasts so long

All through the day

Toying with the mind

It’s way to play

Delve far within

Peeling back the skin

Controlling emotions

It should be a sin

As the tears fall

Unable to hold back

Seeking answers

For all the cracks

Tear yourself down

Build the bricks back

Pull it together

Morning blues attack

depression · Depression diaries · New work

Why is depression so overwhelming?

Why is depression so overwhelming?

It seems as if fighting it is useless but I don’t even know why it is there.

I didn’t go to bed with it but it lays with my head on the pillow and when I look at myself brushing my teeth.

The car journey to work automatic as my brain tells me stories of what I can do as it holds me captive as I cannot switch off.

It is so heavy, piggy backing me while I get my coffee and sit down at my desk.

Thank god I have my job to push these thoughts away.

Get off my back!