I’m trying to enjoy the sounds outside the house

I love to hear the crickets creek

As I’m silent like a mouse

It’s nice to be by the water

Hearing as it flows

Listening out as the cars pass

Oh how they go

The night always brings frogs

Croaking happily

The occasional cat fight

Tearing with their teeth

Now I hear the birdies

Singing to themselves

Nice to lose my thoughts

And be in some kind of peace

Silence torturous

Am I good enough?

Self doubt more powerful

Than any kind of love

I cut myself deep

With every thought I have

Punishing myself

Looking over my back

I’m not good alone

With time to myself

More damage than good

Want to be anywhere else

I want to sleep

For the time to sail away

Fight the hurt impending

Keep it all at bay

Every day I have doubt

I feel that I’m never good enough

I question why you’re with me?

If I deserve your love?

Every minute of no news

I feel so insecure

Thinking that maybe you’re mad me

Thinking I’m a bore

Then I hate myself

For just being there

For just existing

Blankly just to stare

I sometimes just wonder

Why I feel this way?

My demons taunting me

They’re family, here to stay

Impossible to explain away

The tears cannot be kept at bay

The angst, the weight of it all

Just too much when you feel so small

Want to shrink to disappear

Even that hope eaten for fear

Life so cruel as loved ones perish

Feelings you held on to and cherished

Finding a way in a foggy abyss

Invisible footsteps path is amiss

Questions unanswered for many years

Searching the truth oh so near

But it cannot be found what matters most

Passing your hands as if you’re a ghost

It almost seems too good to be true

Finally wounds start to heal

Even the knocks are temporary

Demons remain strong with prying claws

Ever so piercing in every swipe

But the wounds will eventually heal

Determination the healing aura

Searching for the garden fauna

Feeling camouflaged if just for a while

To gain one’s strength, eventually a smile

Even every false smile comes to an end

Desperation feeling easier with a friend

When happiness and sadness tend to collide

Our morale seems to always subside

Taking each day a step at a time

Taking solace in beer and in wine

To drink and drug the problem away

To hide from life, keep the demons at bay

Sink or swim to never be sure

Looking over our shoulders forevermore

Negative fights with us every minute of the day

Time to sleep always kept at bay

Shame full force, looking in the mirror

Fogged up glass, nothing is clearer

Can we breathe this dark oxygen?

Or should we just leave this life of sin?

Evasion is sweet

But it’s only temporary

For in the end

You are stationary

The voice is gone

As you just give up

Take what you want

I have nothing much

The barriers put up

In defence

Merely diversion

At what expense?

Sell your soul

To the devil opposite

Don’t ask forgiveness

He doesn’t give a shit

.

I sit alone on this chair

Do you see me, do you see me?

I sit alone on this chair

Do you hear me, do you hear me?

Do I exist in real life?

Does my suffering count?

Do I exist in real life?

Can you hear me shout?

Why do you just walk by?

Why do you let me cry?

Why do you not care?

Why do you just stare?

I love hearing them laugh

It makes it a little easier

When life is just so meh

It gets me through the day

My obstacles are all made by my hands

My mind tells my mind you cannot

Why do we hit self destruct?

In a normal day I have to make everything impossible

But upon reflection and taking a step back to look through the fish bowl

I see it doesn’t matter

If I don’t have someone for the right reasons

Why should you force yourself?

Ideal is ideal

But it’s improbable

Life is too short for this

I’m gonna be imperfect

I’m better that way

Because imperfect is perfect

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It’s a strange feeling when everything slips between your hands

You question every decision taken wondering if it was ever the plan

Misreading signals it seems at every turn

As if the scorching rod was ever primed to burn

You go back to your past and think about your mistakes

Cursing yourself for every time you should forsake

Maybe it’s better, it has to be for a reason

Otherwise you have just committed treason

Being so hard on yourself with so much time to think

Is the worst thing you could want, pushing yourself to the brink

Even alcohol numbs it, but that’s only temporary

It’s not even a solution, just a stupid hail Mary

Take your mind off things, that one fucking thing

That’s feeding away on you like a terrible sin

Change, get help, do something, God

Breathe with your patience, that’s all that you’ve got