depression · family · Life

Gambling addiction

Hi guys,

I am someone who is 35, I’ve got two kids and a busy life, I used to love playing video games, I am a total kid at heart but I finally asked the question after my last episode being addicted to a game.

There are companies out there that deliberately produce games that get you addicted and you find yourself spending money on their games and you can only think about the game.

I had a game called deck heroes, I thought about that game all day, I was in a guild and I could not get enough, yeah I spent money on it, I’m not proud, I was addicted.

I finally asked myself what’s more important the game or my family, my family won and I went cold turkey. I can tell you that it was hard, really hard, but me and the missus argued about me playing that game, I cried because I didn’t want to leave, I felt forced but hey. It’s just a game, you have to pay to advance, there are so many people better than you and well hey hum. It’s lame! Cold turkey, ended. I think about it now and I laugh but I was eating sleeping this game around a baby, a seven year old and my partner.

Ever since I cannot get into games on the mobile phone, they either seem too long or pay to advance.

I recently started dabbling in the casino slot machines on Google plus store, only interested in the highest charted ones, well you get free tokens to start off with, but you lose them quickly, these games look great but I want to play others but I’m stuck, oh my gosh you have to pay to get tokens to advance, so I downloaded another and another and another, I think I downloaded around 5 or 6 but it’s funny, these games are all the same. Use your free tokens that are plentiful to start off with, then zero tokens, but we’ll give you a few hundred every 3 hours, so login play 3 games then buy some more!

I was finding myself wanting to play again and again but I can’t, that’s my addiction kicking in again, I am AWARE of my addiction, I REFUSE to pay money to play, maybe before a few quid wouldn’t of bothered me but here it does. I AM STRONG, I WILL NOT SUCCOMB, games are my drug, I am an addict, my money pays for the cocaine and heroin, I REFUSE.

depression · family · happy · Life · love · news

I’m kicking this habit, or am i?

I’m trying to kick you

Kick you out of my life

My life has been owned by you

By you and your addictive ways

Addictive ways to make me play

Me play with you all the day

The day passes by

Passes by without even seeing

Even seeing what I have done

Have done much today

Much today or any day

Any day with you

With you in my life I am happy

Am happy and not bored

Not bored but this is pointless

Is pointless to stay with you

With you here just wasting my hours

My hours are mine, I have will power

Will power to stop myself

Stop myself from touching you

Touching you one more time

More time with you

With you just once more

Once more, oh please

Oh please, no must stop

Must stop this addiction

This addiction to you

To you, for the hold you have 

You have me, but I am strong

Am strong and I will quit

Will quit from your grasp

Your grasp on me

On me no more, I’ve decided, I’m free!

.

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Phil lister 16/08/17

listerspoetry@gmail.com

Picture – pixabay

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