New work

I need to feel better

What will you throw at me today?

What suffering do I deserve?

I am at the doctor’s for medication

As I have nothing in the reserve

I’m all out

I quit

My last bit of will power

Has turned to shit

I cried for an hour

I’ve had four hours sleep

I’ve lost 3 kilos

I cry when I speak

I admit I need help

I can’t go on

It’s not a form of weakness

You have to fight to be strong

My heart may not be with me

My head in space somewhere

Depression can be beaten

Even though I’m scared

It won’t be forever

Hopefully not too long

I need to feel better

Otherwise I am done

New work

A new start

I used to love you

But even that seems a dream

We can’t even talk

I always make you scream

I stay silent

It’s better that way

I’ll just make it worse

Being there today

I count my words

Just in my head

If it was out loud

I’d cry instead

I don’t remember

How to smile

That is forgot

Forever while

I starve myself

I don’t want to eat

I lose myself

I don’t want to speak

I don’t matter

Anymore

I’ve just become

A depressing bore

I don’t want anyone

I ask to be free

A new start

Try to be happy

erotic

Fantasy of a teacher

I can’t stop thinking about you, I anticipate our lesson every week

The way you talk, the way you teach, it makes me feel weak

I fantasize about you when you are there

You dazzle me with your gorgeous hair

I imagine I am the only one in the class

I can’t stop checking out your toned ass

I wonder what’s underneath your blouse

I bet you’ve silky skin and how

Your talking, professional, as always

Your eyes always attract my gaze

How do I tell you how I feel?

I will wait till the end of the lesson and kneel?

It’s so long waiting for the time to pass by

I see you looking at me out of the corner of your eye

The others are working, heads are all face down

You put your pen in your mouth, licking all around

Oh my god I’m rock hard I can’t even move

What have you done to me, oh I do approve

You unbutton one button and pull down one side

I see your neck, I’m here hypnotized

The class is over, I can’t get up

Embarrassingly enough, I’m up and stuck

The class walks out, there’s just me and you

You approach me, oh god, what are you going to do?

“i know what you want, we haven’t got much time”

“relax, enjoy, I’m going to make you mine”

She unzips my fly and releases me from my trap

She drops to her knees and starts sucking just like that

She looks at me with her eyes, turning me on

She leans forward just enough to expose her thong

Oh my god, she’s amazing, she is so good at that

I can’t stop myself, oh god there’s no going back

She continues to suck she doesn’t even stop

Oh my god she took it all, every single drop

” Now perhaps you can concentrate in my class”

“i saw you every time checking out my ass”

I zip myself up amazed at what just went on

The next class starts to enter “come on class, move along”

.
Phil lister 30/09/17

An old poem I shared previously. Why not let some of my old erotic work out

New work

Snip snip

5 am arrived

Into the shower

Washed with antiseptic

For what felt like hours

.

My daughter got up

Ate breakfast with me

I enjoyed my hug

Made me happy

.

Taxi arrived

Already stressing

Do I have to pay?

Or keep guessing?

.

Arrive at hospital

130 euro taxi

Fuck a duck

Tring to axe me?

.

Book in now

Taxi lady goes

400 to pay for op

That fucking blows

.

So stressed waiting

Did I prepare everything?

Did I forget

What was that thing?

.

Into another room

Do this do that

Listen well

Focus like a cat

.

Getting naked

Putting on my gowns

Stress exploding

Frown frown frown

.

Stuff in lockers

Last interview

Almost there

Want to spew

.

Taken to be knocked out

So friendly there

Oxygen and tube

I’m scared

.

Felt so heavy

Finally blacked out

Woke up gingerly

Heard someone shout

.

10 o’clock

That was quick

Didn’t take long

To snip my bits

.

A nice nurse checked on me

She had a look

Don’t mind me

Said it was all good

.

Out to the box bedroom

For coffee and cake

Looking around

What a funny place

.

Blood pressure low

Feel I’m gonna faint

I needed to pee

Had to complain

.

Doc comes out

All good to go

Follow the rules

3 months to show

.

Finally back

Taxi lady nice

Drove a bit fast

Still have my life

.

Made lunch

My balls hurt

Hunger solved

Do not exert

.

Relax now

Write for you

I’m calm now

Will have to do

New work

I’ll still have my heart

Why should I change?

When all I do is hurt

Rejection painful beating

Doing it’s beautiful worst

Being pushed onto a path

Land mines scattered round

Never have I though so much

Dancing without sound

And I say to myself fuck it

If I hit one of two

Because this pain I’m feeling

Is less than being with you

So I’ll lose a limb or an organ

But I’ll make a new start

I’ll still keep on going

I’ll always have my heart

New work

For you! No one else

Wake up, pull yourself out of bed

Get up, move that sleepy head

Bathroom, take your morning drugs

Mirror, don’t look at that mug

Kettle, boil that water good

Coffee, strong as it should

Sit down, play on that phone a bit

Sigh, world has gone to shit

Listen, to that silence all around

Can you hear? nothing, all around

Taste, that coffee, as it swirls down

Better, to soften the frown

Still depressed, can’t get out of bed

Move your ass, go get fed

Force yourself, to eat something

Wondering, what will this day bring?

Courage, go get dressed

Yesterday’s clothes, such a wreck

Hair, don’t worry, no one cares

Fuck em, they can all stare

Car keys, out the door quick

Fresh air, feeling sick

Do this, believe in yourself

For you! No one else

New work

Look after yourself

The path I walk has become thorny

Cutting my legs as I march forward

Trying to stay focused through all the pain

Refusing to place or accept the blame

It doesn’t matter, no one’s right or wrong

This isn’t just a stupid love song

Life has now changed, maybe for better or worse

Guess we don’t know what comes in the next verse

My eyes stay wide open even when fatigued

I will not be beaten, never will I take heed

Self care and healing is what I must do now

Not knowing where to start, or even how

I may seem distant, angry or pissed

I’m dealing with it, they shall be missed

A part of my life will soon be leaving

Will my ground ever be level or even?

Close your eyes, breathe deeply

Let it out, you need to really

Tomorrow is not today, relax, take it easy

Look after yourself, keep yourself busy

New work

I used to know how to love

I used to know how to love

But now I’ve had enough

My life has crumbled apart

And it is just soggy art

The paper breaks at the seams

It can no longer be cleaned

Who would even want to?

Who would know what to do?

I think I’ll stay a while

Maybe one day I’ll learn to smile

For now I will rest in the dark

One day maybe a fresh start

Close the doors and throw the key far

I used to enjoy watching the stars

Finally I can be at peace

I’m so tired, time to sleep

New work

Get back up

Getting back up

After falling down

Is the hardest thing

To overcome the frown

The constant depression

The fullest regrets

The nagging angst

They all try to get

But you have to ignore it

As if it doesn’t exist

If was never there

It will not be missed

Take one day at a time

Love yourself

Get back up

Look after your health