The immigrant

4. The computer screen

The computer screen blinks at me

Dusty keys touched by many hands

As if inviting me

Studying my reflection

Wondering if he has replied

I think about him often

Long lost and close

I could finally speak to him

Forever it seems he was distant

Now I could touch him again

Hold him in my arms

To tell him that I love him

But what will he think of me?

Would he be dissapointed?

Unable to protect his mum

A shell of myself

Unwanting for pity or shame

I cannot bear to look

Or be looked at

Not today or any day…

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Childhood · depression · family · happy · Life · love

I’m your daddy

I’ve had the text from your mum

In 2 hours ends the fun

I’m doing the washing up

Thinking surely too much

Starting to regret and punish myself

I imagine it’s not good for my health

You’ve been with us for 12 days

And your going through a phase

It seems you’ve been punishing us

Fits, tantrums, sulks and stuff

What ever your 6 year old mind can find

What are you going to do this time?

It’s been so difficult looking after you

Not always knowing what to do.

With the baby here it’s been a big change

And for you it has to be a little bit strange

We talk to you often, try to explain

You rolling your eyes, us explaining in vein

I want us to get along, all together

But you change your mind just like the weather

I ask myself what can I do?

What is needed to help you?

Although it’s difficult and you can make me sad.

I’ll always love you cause I’ll always be your dad.


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Phil lister 21/08/17

Picture – pixabay

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