New work

Selfish greed

I sometimes think of the noose

The great escape

The selfish greed of getting out

Leaving everyone to clear up the mess

.

The heavy sack on my back

Voluntarily pulling me down

I don’t want to breathe

I don’t want to fight

.

I’m tired

Good for nothing

What do I give?

What is the point?

.

If I could I would

Just give up

Fade away

Who the fuck cares

New work

Sure I won’t be missed

I hate money

It’s control over us

Can’t get enough of it

It causes such a fuss

.

Everything depends on it

Can’t get away

Always need more of it

At the end of every day

.

Debt comes to bite your ass

And it rips you a new hole

It tosses the windows out

Until the vacuum takes hold

.

There are always others

That are much worse off than me

But my biggest stress of all

It has its way with me

.

So much worry

So much stress

Sometimes wondering

What is this test

.

Cars always breaking down

Kids to pay for

Working for your job

Feeling like a whore

.

Now we have to live to work

To pay all the fucking bills

Eating all my insides out

Like a poisonous swill

.

What is next to save myself

To get away from this

Put a bullet through my skull

Sure I won’t be missed

New work

Suffering weep

So so young

In the bedroom alone

Dark dark feelings

In the family home

.

Penknife out

Grating the skin

Starting to cut now

Pushing within

.

Feeling the pain

Gritting the teeth

Seeing the blood

Feeling misbelief

.

Tears of rage

Flow from eyes

Hating everything

True despise

.

Hating life

To finally stop

Giving up

Had enough

.

Laying down

Looking up

Regretting now

The open cut

.

Old t shirt

Wrapped around

Foetal silence

Not a sound

.

Tired now

Suffering weep

Teary dreams

Fading to sleep

depression · Depression diaries · New work

Why is depression so overwhelming?

Why is depression so overwhelming?

It seems as if fighting it is useless but I don’t even know why it is there.

I didn’t go to bed with it but it lays with my head on the pillow and when I look at myself brushing my teeth.

The car journey to work automatic as my brain tells me stories of what I can do as it holds me captive as I cannot switch off.

It is so heavy, piggy backing me while I get my coffee and sit down at my desk.

Thank god I have my job to push these thoughts away.

Get off my back!

depression · New work

To for once have a voice

Looking for escape

From this rigid place

Impossible to go

Let alone evade

There is no door

Nor has there ever been

To think for myself

Would just be obscene

Trapped by all decisions

Weighing ball and chain

Never have enough

It has always been my bane

The air is now choking

Oxygen becomes gas

As I seek an exit

This sad story alas

My one last ounce of control

To make my own choice

To be a courageous coward

To for once have a voice

.

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Life, why?

Fate is such a funny thing

You seem to be made to pay for your sins

It was that I can’t understand

Men in power with their woeful plans

What does it achieve? What does it gain?

Apart from torture, torment and pain

Back to my life as you can see

I have pain and torment inside of me

When will I realize that I am a pawn?

I am just a playing piece waiting to be worn

I realize now that fate is a funny thing

It thrives on controlling everything

It teaches us lessons, it gives us hope

Sorry I lie; it gives us false hope

Who asked for diseases? I can’t understand?

It’s the man in power again, with his woeful plan

This is life, c’est la vie

If you don’t like it just try to flee

There’s one way out, as the lights go dim

You have now paid for all of your sins!

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Tick tock

I am sitting here (Tick Tock)

I am watching the clock (Tick Tock)

I am alone (Tick Tock)

I am at home (Tick Tock)

Why so depressing? (Tick Tock)

Why this lesson? (Tick Tock)

I want to end it (Tick Tock)

To stop that clock (Tick Tock)

Slower and slower (Tick Tock)

Beats the clock (Tick Tock)

For I am calm (Tick Tock)

With bloodied palms (Tick Tock)

I have done it (Tick Tock)

Set myself free (Tick Tock)

Now I see the light (Tick Tock)

My clock has stopped, No Tick Tock

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1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

The roses wilting

The roses wilting

Over the side of the glass

Sensed they had given up

Could not forever last

My sickening feeling

Inside of me

Sadness seeping out

Wanting to be freed

They look so tired

As if it’s the end

Flowers to one side

No way to mend

As I gaze down

Studying the floor

A tear leaves my eye

I can’t do this anymore

Grabbing the stalks

Piercing my hand

Throwing with force

Don’t care where they land

As I collapse to the floor

Feeling sorry for myself

I have given up

I need to find help

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