New work

Trying to be strong

My emotions are really overcoming now

Trying to be strong

But the shell has been cracked

And water is forcing itself in

I don’t know what will kill me first

The suffocation or the want to leave

The tears won’t stop coming

I can be free but I don’t want to

I could leave but I don’t want to

I could end it but I don’t want to

I could live but I don’t want to

I don’t want to eat

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to work

I don’t want to love

I don’t want to be loved

Overwhelmed is a feeling?

Purgatory is possible when we are alive?

When I die I want to be burnt

I want to be free

Don’t put me in a box

Forcing people to visit me

Let me fly one last time

Let me feel the wind

I love not feeling it’s coldness

It feels good not being cold

I’m tired

I wish I could be helped

This soul is lost

It’s hard to find light

When darkness is all around us

I cut my eyes out

Because I don’t want to see anymore

Please take them



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Only the silence can hear me

Only the silence can hear me

My innermost thoughts

Can I confide in you?

Will you judge me?

I don’t dare say

Because I’m scared

I whisper





I don’t know what to do

To say


My words beat me

I just wanted

To confide

I’m sorry

Looking in the mirror

Shame staring back

Regret in my eyes

Why did you talk?

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Can’t do this anymore

Swallow me up

Spit me out

Crush me with your foot

And leave me to die

I don’t want to stay

To exist anymore

I fucking hate life

Every minute every chore

If I had the courage

I would end it all

But because I’m a coward

I’ll shoulder my fall

I hate it more

With every breath

What’s the point?

This torturous test

Take your head

Smash it against the wall

That’s what it feels like

Life this is called

Wish I could choke

Kick the chair to the floor

If I wasn’t so scared

Can’t do this anymore

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Suicidal swill

Drained, tired, had enough

This funny thing called love

Misunderstood words, different views

Body sick gonna spew

Recuperate energy, charge up

Batteries empty, never last

Easy way out, selfish way

Tablets cupboard, cowards play

Cocktail vodka mixed with pills

Do the trick, suicidal swill

Philip lister 15/10/17

Taken from Rhyming poetry to change your day by Philip Lister

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Have I become invisible?

Why can I not touch you?

Where did it all go wrong?

Why does nothing happen?

What is this song?

The days go by

The months rack up

Have I become invisible?

What is this love?

If I do not exist

Then why do we do this?

Put a stop to this torment

With a poison kiss

Forever searched love

In all its perfection

Maybe I will find it

In my resurrection

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Selfish greed

I sometimes think of the noose

The great escape

The selfish greed of getting out

Leaving everyone to clear up the mess


The heavy sack on my back

Voluntarily pulling me down

I don’t want to breathe

I don’t want to fight


I’m tired

Good for nothing

What do I give?

What is the point?


If I could I would

Just give up

Fade away

Who the fuck cares

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Sure I won’t be missed

I hate money

It’s control over us

Can’t get enough of it

It causes such a fuss


Everything depends on it

Can’t get away

Always need more of it

At the end of every day


Debt comes to bite your ass

And it rips you a new hole

It tosses the windows out

Until the vacuum takes hold


There are always others

That are much worse off than me

But my biggest stress of all

It has its way with me


So much worry

So much stress

Sometimes wondering

What is this test


Cars always breaking down

Kids to pay for

Working for your job

Feeling like a whore


Now we have to live to work

To pay all the fucking bills

Eating all my insides out

Like a poisonous swill


What is next to save myself

To get away from this

Put a bullet through my skull

Sure I won’t be missed

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Suffering weep

So so young

In the bedroom alone

Dark dark feelings

In the family home


Penknife out

Grating the skin

Starting to cut now

Pushing within


Feeling the pain

Gritting the teeth

Seeing the blood

Feeling misbelief


Tears of rage

Flow from eyes

Hating everything

True despise


Hating life

To finally stop

Giving up

Had enough


Laying down

Looking up

Regretting now

The open cut


Old t shirt

Wrapped around

Foetal silence

Not a sound


Tired now

Suffering weep

Teary dreams

Fading to sleep

depression · Depression diaries · New work

Why is depression so overwhelming?

Why is depression so overwhelming?

It seems as if fighting it is useless but I don’t even know why it is there.

I didn’t go to bed with it but it lays with my head on the pillow and when I look at myself brushing my teeth.

The car journey to work automatic as my brain tells me stories of what I can do as it holds me captive as I cannot switch off.

It is so heavy, piggy backing me while I get my coffee and sit down at my desk.

Thank god I have my job to push these thoughts away.

Get off my back!