depression · Life · managing depression · New work

Maybe the next time

As I awoke in my pit of despair

Laid out on the floor as a carcas left to rot

The flies were probably seeking their next meal

I was probably an eternity after the expiration date

Clutching my head as if it mattered

The afternoon sun pulsing through the dreary nets

The burning rays on my brow

Self pity was on my lips from the night before

Somewhere between the cheapest vodka and the stains on my shirt

A stream of bottles littered the floor

If only it was a river with a breakneck current

I wish it would suck me in never to return to my hell

Why is there always a next time?

An afternoon awakening sunrise

Maybe the next time I lose myself in the bottle

I can disappear for good

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depression · Life · New work

Rest in peace

.

I feel so trapped in all that I do

6 feet under, no way through

I see the light, through the cracks

Other than that, it’s pitch black

I can’t breathe, no air left

When will I take, my last breath?

I claw with my fingers blunt till the end

Searching for help, in need of a friend

This coffin won’t open, closed from outside

Waves are crashing, soil subsides

Deeper my box falls, hurtling away

I will rest in peace, better that way

.

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depression · Life · managing depression

This clouded feeling

I can’t put my finger on it

Why I feel so down

This clouded feeling

That’s hanging around

I feel almost sick

But I don’t know why

I haven’t even got

Any appetite

I can’t control my emotions

So angry in my heart

Can’t pull it from me

I don’t know which path

How can I escape

From this torturous hell?

Is there an escape?

Is it a closed shell?

Its vice like grip

Constantly on me

Oh how I wish

I could be free

To breathe deeply

Clean virgin air

To stop suffocating

To fight the despair

Does happiness exist?

Will I feel it one day?

Or am I in hell hotel

Destined to stay?

.

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depression · Life · managing depression

It all started when…

This is

My once upon a time

When the suffering commenced

And I began to rhyme

Family problems

With mum and dad

They were separated

I never liked that

As I was scared

Scarred in my heart

As a lost soul

Where to start?

Easy to cry

Never understood

Impossible to help

As if you could?

My shell protecting

From the outside

Impossible to open

This was my life

I would curl in a ball

To be alone

I hated myself

This was my home

Quiet at school

Colorblind too

Difficult to make friends

Oh so true

I would hurt myself

To inflict pain

Scratching my arms

What did it gain?

Burning myself

To suffer some more

Days dragged by

Like a chore

I wished to punish

To harm myself

Through all the torment

The mental health

Anger so dark

Eating away

Hard to push out

To keep at bay

Although crying out

Silently so

I needed help

For it to go

If someone was there

To listen, just that

It would of helped

A selfless act

.

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depression · Life · New work · Rhyming poetry to change your day

The roses wilting

The roses wilting

Over the side of the glass

Sensed they had given up

Could not forever last

My sickening feeling

Inside of me

Sadness seeping out

Wanting to be freed

They look so tired

As if it’s the end

Flowers to one side

No way to mend

As I gaze down

Studying the floor

A tear leaves my eye

I can’t do this anymore

Grabbing the stalks

Piercing my hand

Throwing with force

Don’t care where they land

As I collapse to the floor

Feeling sorry for myself

I have given up

I need to find help

.

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depression · Life · New book · New work

Every day implodes

How can we feel so lonely

When surrounded by everyone

Feel like such a waste of space

Unwoven and undone

Sinking uncontrollably

Clockwise down the plug

Choking on oxygen

Cause we’ve had enough

Looking for a way out

Through the putrid mud

Reaching our hand out

For someone to love

Tears cry tears in waterfalls

That we cannot control

Life is a confusing mess

That every day implodes

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

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depression · family · Life · Love 2020 · New work

I wish I had someone to talk to…

I wish I had someone to talk to

How can I feel so alone?

Surrounded by my family

In my own sweet home

.

I can’t put my finger on it

Unable to understand

Why do I contemplate?

How do I withstand?

.

Constantly looking for an exit

I could leave if I want

Always putting obstacles

So that I won’t

.

Am I selfish

As I think of myself

What would I become?

If I became someone else?

.

I sometimes fantasize

About what could be the end

I think I need some help

I think I need a friend

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

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depression · Life · New work

Help…

I have never felt so alone

When surrounded by many

I have never felt so imprisoned

Even though I am free to go

I have never felt so hopeless

Even when I can choose

I have never felt so lost

Even though I know the way

.

My tears I cannot cry

My thoughts I cannot lie

My angst I cannot suppress

Even though I try

.

Trapped doing the same each day

The same old daily grind

Gaping hole inside of me

The bottom you won’t find.

.

I have never felt like escaping

As much as I do now

To end it all as a coward

The only way I know how