depression · New work

To for once have a voice

Looking for escape

From this rigid place

Impossible to go

Let alone evade

There is no door

Nor has there ever been

To think for myself

Would just be obscene

Trapped by all decisions

Weighing ball and chain

Never have enough

It has always been my bane

The air is now choking

Oxygen becomes gas

As I seek an exit

This sad story alas

My one last ounce of control

To make my own choice

To be a courageous coward

To for once have a voice


1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Life, why?

Fate is such a funny thing

You seem to be made to pay for your sins

It was that I can’t understand

Men in power with their woeful plans

What does it achieve? What does it gain?

Apart from torture, torment and pain

Back to my life as you can see

I have pain and torment inside of me

When will I realize that I am a pawn?

I am just a playing piece waiting to be worn

I realize now that fate is a funny thing

It thrives on controlling everything

It teaches us lessons, it gives us hope

Sorry I lie; it gives us false hope

Who asked for diseases? I can’t understand?

It’s the man in power again, with his woeful plan

This is life, c’est la vie

If you don’t like it just try to flee

There’s one way out, as the lights go dim

You have now paid for all of your sins!

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

Tick tock

I am sitting here (Tick Tock)

I am watching the clock (Tick Tock)

I am alone (Tick Tock)

I am at home (Tick Tock)

Why so depressing? (Tick Tock)

Why this lesson? (Tick Tock)

I want to end it (Tick Tock)

To stop that clock (Tick Tock)

Slower and slower (Tick Tock)

Beats the clock (Tick Tock)

For I am calm (Tick Tock)

With bloodied palms (Tick Tock)

I have done it (Tick Tock)

Set myself free (Tick Tock)

Now I see the light (Tick Tock)

My clock has stopped, No Tick Tock

1. Rhyming poetry to change your day

The roses wilting

The roses wilting

Over the side of the glass

Sensed they had given up

Could not forever last

My sickening feeling

Inside of me

Sadness seeping out

Wanting to be freed

They look so tired

As if it’s the end

Flowers to one side

No way to mend

As I gaze down

Studying the floor

A tear leaves my eye

I can’t do this anymore

Grabbing the stalks

Piercing my hand

Throwing with force

Don’t care where they land

As I collapse to the floor

Feeling sorry for myself

I have given up

I need to find help

depression · family · Life

Today I feel better

Today I feel better than yesterday

It is less heavy and I can make my way

One day at a time look after yourself

Think carefully about your mental health


Searching for you is a collection of poetry about love, heartbreak and happiness. A raw journey looking at our search in life to find ourselves and that special someone.

depression · Depression diaries

Getting through it

One day at a time

Monday I hit 38, that hurt, I have no idea why, I have just been on holiday with the kids for a week plus working from home.

Monday I felt so down, overwhelmed, I did not know how to take it, depression kicked my head so hard. I started questioning why? Why did I feel like this? Covid? Confinement? Work?

I started looking out, thinking I may need to talk to someone, my partner came home, I cheered up a bit and had my birthday presents etc. I cheered up a little.

Tuesday passable

Wednesday, dont get me started, I was so depressed, i got through the work day, then got my daughter. I was gardening outside as it made me feel a little better. We came inside, she wouldn’t stop whining I yelled, she covered her ears. I felt so horrible. I was doing the washing up and just crying to myself out of guilt. Uncontrollably, I thought, I really need to see someone.

I started looking, do you know how hard it is to look for someone in France, well looking is ok, but choosing is harder. I decided on one, messaged a bit. Thought on it.

I went to work Thursday and Friday, I talked a bit, already I felt so much better being around people, maybe I just need to be around people, at least a minimum.

I can’t message the person to cancel and on the site I can’t even pay for the proposed sceance, oh well.

I am sure it won’t be long before my next episode, I hope it won’t be as hard to deal with. We will see, stay strong, stay positive, talk to someone If you feel this way.

The most important think is finding out why? What is really getting you. Me it was social interaction. I am an introvert. Go figure!

depression · family · Life · managing depression · New work

It suffocates me

It’s so hard

Weighing me down

My morale is

Making me drown

No matter what

I try to do

It suffocates me

Like super glue

Down my throat

Clogging my nose

No way to stop it

That’s how it goes

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depression · family · Life · managing depression · New work


I want to cry

I can’t understand why

I want to breathe

I feel I will die

I want to see

Can’t open my eyes

Dont want to suffer

Time goes by

I feel sadder now

Can’t stop this gloom

Its overwhelming

Cannot pull through

I can’t be alone

Not in this room

Help me please

What do I do?

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depression · Life · managing depression · New work

Maybe the next time

As I awoke in my pit of despair

Laid out on the floor as a carcas left to rot

The flies were probably seeking their next meal

I was probably an eternity after the expiration date

Clutching my head as if it mattered

The afternoon sun pulsing through the dreary nets

The burning rays on my brow

Self pity was on my lips from the night before

Somewhere between the cheapest vodka and the stains on my shirt

A stream of bottles littered the floor

If only it was a river with a breakneck current

I wish it would suck me in never to return to my hell

Why is there always a next time?

An afternoon awakening sunrise

Maybe the next time I lose myself in the bottle

I can disappear for good

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