New work

Sure I won’t be missed

I hate money

It’s control over us

Can’t get enough of it

It causes such a fuss

.

Everything depends on it

Can’t get away

Always need more of it

At the end of every day

.

Debt comes to bite your ass

And it rips you a new hole

It tosses the windows out

Until the vacuum takes hold

.

There are always others

That are much worse off than me

But my biggest stress of all

It has its way with me

.

So much worry

So much stress

Sometimes wondering

What is this test

.

Cars always breaking down

Kids to pay for

Working for your job

Feeling like a whore

.

Now we have to live to work

To pay all the fucking bills

Eating all my insides out

Like a poisonous swill

.

What is next to save myself

To get away from this

Put a bullet through my skull

Sure I won’t be missed

New work

Suffering weep

So so young

In the bedroom alone

Dark dark feelings

In the family home

.

Penknife out

Grating the skin

Starting to cut now

Pushing within

.

Feeling the pain

Gritting the teeth

Seeing the blood

Feeling misbelief

.

Tears of rage

Flow from eyes

Hating everything

True despise

.

Hating life

To finally stop

Giving up

Had enough

.

Laying down

Looking up

Regretting now

The open cut

.

Old t shirt

Wrapped around

Foetal silence

Not a sound

.

Tired now

Suffering weep

Teary dreams

Fading to sleep

1. Searching for you

I never got to ask you

I never got to ask you

And now I never will

So many thoughts in my mind

Alone is how I feel

.

I cannot hit stop

My mind will not allow

If only you could hear me

My voice, somehow

.

What happens to our love

When we drift apart?

Where does it go

When we have to restart?

.

How much do we have to hurt

Before the pain subsides?

Does it hurt for them as well

How it hurts me inside?

.

Will it just pass away

Along with the time?

Will it just stay with me

One day to feel fine?

.

As lying to ourselves

To suppress the obvious truth

Seems easier to us

Than seeing the actual proof

.

And which of us is unbroken

Tattered in shadowed thoughts?

Now feeling enormous regret

Wishing that they had fought

1. Searching for you

Fill my void

Do I deserve someone to fill my void?


Forever looking but feel destroyed


Tarnished by myself, my self-belief


That longing too much, just no relief


I am not a catch, I’m ugly and fat


No one could want me, it’s a fact


Dated for years to find just one


That perfect person, special someone


I don’t want a fling, nothing less


I’m not interested in emptyness

My bed is empty as I long so much


To feel close to someone, just to touch


To whisper sweet nothings all through the day


I don’t think it’s for me I am afraid


To feel loved and wanted, all that I ask


Maybe I am dreaming? I’m having a laugh?


Please one day, let me meet my match?


I’m sure they’ll be great, a real catch

1. Searching for you

So happy you’re back

I’m so happy that you’re back

Your absence was long

I was like a shoe

With the laces undone

Walking around

Waiting to be re-tied

Back to normal

Change despised

Now in my arms

I need it more than you

My insecurities laid bare

I need a hug from you

I feel so much better

Knowing that you’re there

Oh how I missed you

With your golden blonde hair

.

Taken from my latest book searching for you