depression · Depression diaries

Getting through it

One day at a time

Monday I hit 38, that hurt, I have no idea why, I have just been on holiday with the kids for a week plus working from home.

Monday I felt so down, overwhelmed, I did not know how to take it, depression kicked my head so hard. I started questioning why? Why did I feel like this? Covid? Confinement? Work?

I started looking out, thinking I may need to talk to someone, my partner came home, I cheered up a bit and had my birthday presents etc. I cheered up a little.

Tuesday passable

Wednesday, dont get me started, I was so depressed, i got through the work day, then got my daughter. I was gardening outside as it made me feel a little better. We came inside, she wouldn’t stop whining I yelled, she covered her ears. I felt so horrible. I was doing the washing up and just crying to myself out of guilt. Uncontrollably, I thought, I really need to see someone.

I started looking, do you know how hard it is to look for someone in France, well looking is ok, but choosing is harder. I decided on one, messaged a bit. Thought on it.

I went to work Thursday and Friday, I talked a bit, already I felt so much better being around people, maybe I just need to be around people, at least a minimum.

I can’t message the person to cancel and on the site I can’t even pay for the proposed sceance, oh well.

I am sure it won’t be long before my next episode, I hope it won’t be as hard to deal with. We will see, stay strong, stay positive, talk to someone If you feel this way.

The most important think is finding out why? What is really getting you. Me it was social interaction. I am an introvert. Go figure!

6 thoughts on “Getting through it

  1. Life is a rollercoaster Phil! Sometimes I feel exactly like you. I miss the human touch, the social relationships, the family and friends around the world. Yesterday, my sister told me that my mother is at the hospital. She got Covid three months ago but she’s still sick. Since she already had two cancers her situation is delicate. I can’t even take the plane to Lisbon because visits and phone calls are not allowed. We’re living in a strange period. Take care and be safe! 🍀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey filipa, I am sorry to hear this, I hope that she will be OK. I am lucky for the moment, no-one I know has been badly effected by covid, all my family in England has already had their vaccines, you know the situation here in France, still waiting for my vaccine. It is a crazy time, a world changing disease that is not ready to finish and it is just shocking how it affects us all. Certainly our need for physical contact and social contact. I am normally so strong but even the strongest rocks can have cracks. Stay positive, hope everything works out.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much for your words Phil! “I am normally so strong but even the strongest rocks can have cracks.” I love this sentence! We are all humans and we should allow ourselves to feel down, once in a while. My brother and his family live in London and the situation is under control, which is good news. In France, it’s another story… Let’s be positive and keep the faith!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve only just landed on your page Phil but just wanna say we are allowed to have these days. It’s been over 12 months of consistent negativity — nothing like we’ve had to deal with before. Be gentle with you. I’ve had to be talking comforting words to myself as well. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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