Everyone is welcome
I sometimes think of the noose
The great escape
The selfish greed of getting out
Leaving everyone to clear up the mess
.
The heavy sack on my back
Voluntarily pulling me down
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to fight
.
I’m tired
Good for nothing
What do I give?
What is the point?
.
If I could I would
Just give up
Fade away
Who the fuck cares
Talking with you I look for the answer
But maybe I just never asked the right question
.
Taken from my latest poetry book
I don’t know what hurts more?
The knife in my chest
Or the fact that you’re leaving me
.
Taken from my latest poetry book
How can I fix myself?
When I don’t know how to
The manuel was never written
And the service is due
Numb inside
Living with myself
Feeling constantly
On the shelf
.
I am difficult
To be around
To live with
Make others frown
.
It’s inside of me
Can’t explain it
I’ll just write
For now
.
Nothingness
Always and at once
Aching
To feel like before
.
Time has passed
Change too
I won’t
I know me
.
The sacred path
That we wonder
If it even
Exists
.
I’ll never get there
Nor do I want
All is fake
A myth
.
Hope is overrated
Live to die
Only waiting
Million questions why
.
We’ll just never know
Answers evading
Like the new
Disease
.
At least it’s better
Than suffering
Trying to work out
And explain
.
This horrid mess
We call a life
Make our mistakes
And ask. Why?
I offer you my heart
As yours is already gone
I refuse to accept their’s
As they are not the one
As Ella woke up
In her lovely bedroom
She sat herself up
And felt the gloom
She was sad this day
The first day at school
Worrying to herself
“What should I do ?”
She dressed herself
In her favourite dress
She combed her hair
From its blonde mess
Down the stairs for breakfast
With mum and dad
Yawning loud
And feeling sad
“What’s wrong Ella?”
“Why are you sad?”
Looking concerned
Spoke softly her dad
“I don’t want to go”
“It scares me so much”
“I won’t know anyone”
“I’m so fed up”
“Ella my sweet”
“You’ll be ok”
“I’ll come with you”
“At the start of your day”
In the car
Driving along
Mum changes the radio
To Ella’s favourite song
Singing together
At the top of their lungs
Making it better
Having such fun
Arriving at class
The very first time
Seeing the teacher
As the bell starts to chime
“What’s your name?”
“Its Ella miss”
She looked at her mum
And gave her a kiss
She held her hand
Still a little scared
Not letting go
Still so aware
She looked around the class
Seeing everyone play
It seemed quite cool
What would she do today?
“It’s ok mum”
“I’ll be ok”
“I love you so much”
“Have a great day”
.
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Nervous, heart pumping
Appointment soon
Thoughts colliding
Impending doom
.
In the car
Radio loud
Having doubts
Wondering how
.
Receptionist scolding
Wrong room
Sorry miss
Face of doom
.
Hour waiting
To see the doc
Scrolling videos
On tiktok
.
Finally the moment
Take a breath
Approach the room
What will be next?
I hate money
It’s control over us
Can’t get enough of it
It causes such a fuss
.
Everything depends on it
Can’t get away
Always need more of it
At the end of every day
.
Debt comes to bite your ass
And it rips you a new hole
It tosses the windows out
Until the vacuum takes hold
.
There are always others
That are much worse off than me
But my biggest stress of all
It has its way with me
.
So much worry
So much stress
Sometimes wondering
What is this test
.
Cars always breaking down
Kids to pay for
Working for your job
Feeling like a whore
.
Now we have to live to work
To pay all the fucking bills
Eating all my insides out
Like a poisonous swill
.
What is next to save myself
To get away from this
Put a bullet through my skull
Sure I won’t be missed
So so young
In the bedroom alone
Dark dark feelings
In the family home
.
Penknife out
Grating the skin
Starting to cut now
Pushing within
.
Feeling the pain
Gritting the teeth
Seeing the blood
Feeling misbelief
.
Tears of rage
Flow from eyes
Hating everything
True despise
.
Hating life
To finally stop
Giving up
Had enough
.
Laying down
Looking up
Regretting now
The open cut
.
Old t shirt
Wrapped around
Foetal silence
Not a sound
.
Tired now
Suffering weep
Teary dreams
Fading to sleep
Listerslyrics 