depression · family · Life · New work

Self doubt

Why do we seek acceptance in everything we do?

Sometimes I wonder if we even have a clue

We go from day to day just getting by

Living out our day throughout our own lies

Sometimes we reflect, a little too much

Sometimes we don’t, how much is enough?

Is it really acceptance that we seek?

Is it really self doubt that creeps?

But our biggest fear in all of this

The worst fact, that mustn’t be missed

We fear rejection above all else

It hits us hard, our mental health

Until we can’t go on, it eats us alive

Because with self doubt, we can never thrive

.

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depression · Life · managing depression

This clouded feeling

I can’t put my finger on it

Why I feel so down

This clouded feeling

That’s hanging around

I feel almost sick

But I don’t know why

I haven’t even got

Any appetite

I can’t control my emotions

So angry in my heart

Can’t pull it from me

I don’t know which path

How can I escape

From this torturous hell?

Is there an escape?

Is it a closed shell?

Its vice like grip

Constantly on me

Oh how I wish

I could be free

To breathe deeply

Clean virgin air

To stop suffocating

To fight the despair

Does happiness exist?

Will I feel it one day?

Or am I in hell hotel

Destined to stay?

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · Life · managing depression

It all started when…

This is

My once upon a time

When the suffering commenced

And I began to rhyme

Family problems

With mum and dad

They were separated

I never liked that

As I was scared

Scarred in my heart

As a lost soul

Where to start?

Easy to cry

Never understood

Impossible to help

As if you could?

My shell protecting

From the outside

Impossible to open

This was my life

I would curl in a ball

To be alone

I hated myself

This was my home

Quiet at school

Colorblind too

Difficult to make friends

Oh so true

I would hurt myself

To inflict pain

Scratching my arms

What did it gain?

Burning myself

To suffer some more

Days dragged by

Like a chore

I wished to punish

To harm myself

Through all the torment

The mental health

Anger so dark

Eating away

Hard to push out

To keep at bay

Although crying out

Silently so

I needed help

For it to go

If someone was there

To listen, just that

It would of helped

A selfless act

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · Life · New work

Ups and downs

I don’t understand

Why my emotions are so strong

Like being prodded with a stick

What is going on?

One moment I am up

I am ok with the day

I don’t need it to end

I do not feel afraid

But then there are the downs

And they really mess me up

Looking always for the escape

Cause I want it so much

I try to control my emotions

To get on top of them

But sometimes they’re stronger than me

It drives me round the bend

Why is it so hard?

To get along with life

We always just seem to cope

Trying not to subside

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · Life · New work · Rhyming poetry to change your day

The roses wilting

The roses wilting

Over the side of the glass

Sensed they had given up

Could not forever last

My sickening feeling

Inside of me

Sadness seeping out

Wanting to be freed

They look so tired

As if it’s the end

Flowers to one side

No way to mend

As I gaze down

Studying the floor

A tear leaves my eye

I can’t do this anymore

Grabbing the stalks

Piercing my hand

Throwing with force

Don’t care where they land

As I collapse to the floor

Feeling sorry for myself

I have given up

I need to find help

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq

depression · Life · New work

Help…

I have never felt so alone

When surrounded by many

I have never felt so imprisoned

Even though I am free to go

I have never felt so hopeless

Even when I can choose

I have never felt so lost

Even though I know the way

.

My tears I cannot cry

My thoughts I cannot lie

My angst I cannot suppress

Even though I try

.

Trapped doing the same each day

The same old daily grind

Gaping hole inside of me

The bottom you won’t find.

.

I have never felt like escaping

As much as I do now

To end it all as a coward

The only way I know how

depression · Life · love

Confrontation

.

Confrontation never easy for me

Always so scared

To vent my wishes

To be heard

Falling on deaf ears

I scream to be heard

Those words cutting

Tearing through you

A thousand knives flicking flesh

Passing through aimlessly

But damage persists

Blood spewing from the violence

Of my words

Blindfold on

I wish not to see

Fallout from my radiation

As I scream aloud again

Remaining skin no more

I have spoken

I told you I don’t like confrontation

No

.

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depression · Rhyming poetry to change your day

The curse of the baby

When you first come into this world

The nurse inspects you and gives you a twirl

You are then taken home and placed to rest

You are left to slumber and of course to rest

And from that moment there is a change

You start to cry and make your parents deranged

Through all the noise and the screaming

I think your parents would rather be dreaming

For this disruption causes stress

And their sweet child is no longer a bless

And for a reason unknown to you

Your parents split and are no longer two

Was it your fault? Is it true?

Was it actually because of you?

Phil Lister 05/03/03

listerspoetry@gmail.com

.

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.

depression · Rhyming poetry to change your day

Tick tock

I am sitting here (Tick Tock)

I am watching the clock (Tick Tock)

I am alone (Tick Tock)

I am at home (Tick Tock)

Why so depressing (Tick Tock)

Why this lesson (Tick Tock)

I want to end it (Tick Tock)

To stop that clock (Tick Tock)

Slower and slower (Tick Tock)

Beats the clock (Tick Tock)

For i am calm (Tick Tock)

With bloodied palms (Tick Tock)

I have done it (Tick Tock)

Set myself free (Tick Tock)

Now i see the light (Tick Tock)

My clock has stopped, No Tick Tock

Phil Lister 07/03/03

listerspoetry@gmail.com
.

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