depression · Life · managing depression · New work

Maybe the next time

As I awoke in my pit of despair

Laid out on the floor as a carcas left to rot

The flies were probably seeking their next meal

I was probably an eternity after the expiration date

Clutching my head as if it mattered

The afternoon sun pulsing through the dreary nets

The burning rays on my brow

Self pity was on my lips from the night before

Somewhere between the cheapest vodka and the stains on my shirt

A stream of bottles littered the floor

If only it was a river with a breakneck current

I wish it would suck me in never to return to my hell

Why is there always a next time?

An afternoon awakening sunrise

Maybe the next time I lose myself in the bottle

I can disappear for good

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depression · family · Life · managing depression · New work

The thing about solitude is

The thing about solitude is

You can’t have enough

Even when you bathe in it

You’ve not had your drug

You want to be alone

Throughout all the day

You won’t go outside

Come what may

You don’t want to see friends

No not at all

Take the dog for a walk

Not your ball

You would rather stay inside

Drink and watch tv

For in our little head

It’s, well, to be free

.

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depression · Life · managing depression

I want to fit in

.

I want to fit in but I am different from the rest

I want to be bigger but cannot help myself

I want to be beautiful but uglyness shines its evil light

I want to eat but just a little is too much

I want to be normal but I cannot help myself

I want to stop being sick but I can’t stop myself

How could anyone ever love my body when I can’t even love myself?

To look upon the mirror is to cry a river of tears at the person staring back

How can you understand when I am perplexed and confused?

How can you judge when I have been beat and abused?

I am tired from it all, I just want to be alone

The only person I trust is the person I hate

.

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depression · family · Life · love · managing depression

Enjoy your food

.

Never have I been so insulted by you

I prepared a meal which was beautiful

You were sat to receive my dish

You decided to take the piss

3 hours I slaved for that food

Your comments oh so lewd

What was it that you didn’t like?

Why did you have to snipe?

Well do you know what you can do?

Next time make your own food

Just one last thing do finish off

Splat, enjoy your food, I’m off!

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

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depression · happy · Life · love · managing depression

The peace of the park

.

Oh I love the peace when we come to the park

I can hear the birds sing and lark

Watching the joggers as they pass on by

Reflecting on life, not asking why

I love the sun as it warms me up

Not too hot, its just enough

As I watch the water rippling in the sun

Kids feeding ducks, having fun

I stop to breathe and forget it all

Before I leave heaven and I fall

.

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depression · Life · managing depression

This clouded feeling

I can’t put my finger on it

Why I feel so down

This clouded feeling

That’s hanging around

I feel almost sick

But I don’t know why

I haven’t even got

Any appetite

I can’t control my emotions

So angry in my heart

Can’t pull it from me

I don’t know which path

How can I escape

From this torturous hell?

Is there an escape?

Is it a closed shell?

Its vice like grip

Constantly on me

Oh how I wish

I could be free

To breathe deeply

Clean virgin air

To stop suffocating

To fight the despair

Does happiness exist?

Will I feel it one day?

Or am I in hell hotel

Destined to stay?

.

My first poetry available for purchase.

https://books2read.com/u/4AYydq