Everyone is welcome
As the sun starts to rise
The darkness falls
The cold disappears
And we’ll have a ball
.
We open up
And reveal ourselves
Ready to be taken
As if on the shelf
.
Feed on us
Suck us dry
Rub yourself
Don’t be shy
.
That orange glow
Feels so good
Irreplaceable
Nothing could
.
As it eventually fades
To say goodnight
We start to close
As we miss our light
.
Off to sleep
Until the next day
See you soon
We’ll be back out to play
I need to get away
From this abuse so bad
Taking its toll on me
Feeling so sad
.
He’s not violent with me
At least not physically
Although it’s still torture
The way he bullies
.
You just wouldn’t know
He’d never do it to your face
The mental abuse
I feel so disgraced
.
I wonder why he does it
Why he has to control
He enjoys his puppet
That he can mould
.
Whatever he wants
His every whim
I have to do it
Or else he is mean
.
It just never stops
Again and again
I wish it would
I feel such shame
.
How to get out
How to leave
I’m tired now
I just want peace
I used to love you
But every inch of my body says no
My heart still yearns for you
Telling me not to go
.
For every door I open
My conscience pulls it shut
For every time I say I can
My guilt always places a but
.
Maybe we can make it work
I keep telling myself that
As I put my keys into the door
I wonder why I keep coming back
I sometimes think of the noose
The great escape
The selfish greed of getting out
Leaving everyone to clear up the mess
.
The heavy sack on my back
Voluntarily pulling me down
I don’t want to breathe
I don’t want to fight
.
I’m tired
Good for nothing
What do I give?
What is the point?
.
If I could I would
Just give up
Fade away
Who the fuck cares
How can I fix myself?
When I don’t know how to
The manuel was never written
And the service is due
Numb inside
Living with myself
Feeling constantly
On the shelf
.
I am difficult
To be around
To live with
Make others frown
.
It’s inside of me
Can’t explain it
I’ll just write
For now
.
Nothingness
Always and at once
Aching
To feel like before
.
Time has passed
Change too
I won’t
I know me
.
The sacred path
That we wonder
If it even
Exists
.
I’ll never get there
Nor do I want
All is fake
A myth
.
Hope is overrated
Live to die
Only waiting
Million questions why
.
We’ll just never know
Answers evading
Like the new
Disease
.
At least it’s better
Than suffering
Trying to work out
And explain
.
This horrid mess
We call a life
Make our mistakes
And ask. Why?
Nervous, heart pumping
Appointment soon
Thoughts colliding
Impending doom
.
In the car
Radio loud
Having doubts
Wondering how
.
Receptionist scolding
Wrong room
Sorry miss
Face of doom
.
Hour waiting
To see the doc
Scrolling videos
On tiktok
.
Finally the moment
Take a breath
Approach the room
What will be next?
I hate money
It’s control over us
Can’t get enough of it
It causes such a fuss
.
Everything depends on it
Can’t get away
Always need more of it
At the end of every day
.
Debt comes to bite your ass
And it rips you a new hole
It tosses the windows out
Until the vacuum takes hold
.
There are always others
That are much worse off than me
But my biggest stress of all
It has its way with me
.
So much worry
So much stress
Sometimes wondering
What is this test
.
Cars always breaking down
Kids to pay for
Working for your job
Feeling like a whore
.
Now we have to live to work
To pay all the fucking bills
Eating all my insides out
Like a poisonous swill
.
What is next to save myself
To get away from this
Put a bullet through my skull
Sure I won’t be missed
So so young
In the bedroom alone
Dark dark feelings
In the family home
.
Penknife out
Grating the skin
Starting to cut now
Pushing within
.
Feeling the pain
Gritting the teeth
Seeing the blood
Feeling misbelief
.
Tears of rage
Flow from eyes
Hating everything
True despise
.
Hating life
To finally stop
Giving up
Had enough
.
Laying down
Looking up
Regretting now
The open cut
.
Old t shirt
Wrapped around
Foetal silence
Not a sound
.
Tired now
Suffering weep
Teary dreams
Fading to sleep
You’re in and out
I can’t understand
What is your goal
What is your plan
Do you like me
Is that why you’re here
Do you like to
Stop and stare
Do I please you
Looking at me
Do I make you
Really happy
What do you look like
I wonder to myself
I wonder why
You never reveal yourself
You lurk in the shadows
A real lonely ghost
Talking occasionally
To be a good host
One day you will talk more
And we’ll talk for real
This virtual world
Is so surreal
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