depression · family · Life

Gambling addiction

Hi guys,

I am someone who is 35, I’ve got two kids and a busy life, I used to love playing video games, I am a total kid at heart but I finally asked the question after my last episode being addicted to a game.

There are companies out there that deliberately produce games that get you addicted and you find yourself spending money on their games and you can only think about the game.

I had a game called deck heroes, I thought about that game all day, I was in a guild and I could not get enough, yeah I spent money on it, I’m not proud, I was addicted.

I finally asked myself what’s more important the game or my family, my family won and I went cold turkey. I can tell you that it was hard, really hard, but me and the missus argued about me playing that game, I cried because I didn’t want to leave, I felt forced but hey. It’s just a game, you have to pay to advance, there are so many people better than you and well hey hum. It’s lame! Cold turkey, ended. I think about it now and I laugh but I was eating sleeping this game around a baby, a seven year old and my partner.

Ever since I cannot get into games on the mobile phone, they either seem too long or pay to advance.

I recently started dabbling in the casino slot machines on Google plus store, only interested in the highest charted ones, well you get free tokens to start off with, but you lose them quickly, these games look great but I want to play others but I’m stuck, oh my gosh you have to pay to get tokens to advance, so I downloaded another and another and another, I think I downloaded around 5 or 6 but it’s funny, these games are all the same. Use your free tokens that are plentiful to start off with, then zero tokens, but we’ll give you a few hundred every 3 hours, so login play 3 games then buy some more!

I was finding myself wanting to play again and again but I can’t, that’s my addiction kicking in again, I am AWARE of my addiction, I REFUSE to pay money to play, maybe before a few quid wouldn’t of bothered me but here it does. I AM STRONG, I WILL NOT SUCCOMB, games are my drug, I am an addict, my money pays for the cocaine and heroin, I REFUSE.

depression · happy · Life · love

Remember

.

Remember

Those that have left

Those that have gone

.

Remember

Time passed with

Gifts such as bliss

.

Remember

Stories repeated many times

In your head like a rhyme

.

Remember

Expressions on their face

Always had their place

.

Remember

Arguments and tears

Happiness and fears

.

Remember

Feeling safe in their arms

Away from any harm

.

Remember

The day that they left

Empty, bereft

.

Remember

That person

Never forget

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Phil lister 30/04/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · erotic · Life · love · New book

Imprisoned

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I’m coming to get you

Dont be scared

Intrusion my lust

Please don’t stare

.

Look at you

Don’t worry dear

Satisfy my thirst

Yes please, cheers

.

You’re mine now

Don’t wait anymore

Desire overwhelming

I won’t be a bore

.

You will suffer

Not for too long

Overwhelming trance

What is this song?

.

You will soon be free

When I decide

Oh my dear,

I’m sorry, I lied

.

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Phil lister 27/04/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · Life

5 senses of dinner

.

Why can’t you hear me?

Is my voice too weak?

I scream and yell out

But I just cannot speak

.

Why can’t you see me?

Is my body too small?

Do I just not matter?

To anyone at all

.

Why can’t you smell me?

I smell really bad

I’ve been here for weeks

I am starting to go mad

.

Why can’t you touch me?

Just to know I’m not alone

What I would give

Just to go back home

.

Why are you tasting me?

What do I taste like?

Free me from this torment

Please, finish my life

.

My new books are available on Amazon

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Phil lister 22/04/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · Diary · family · happy · Life · Life of Randy · love · New book · work

Life of Randy (Book One: Theme Park)

When Randy and his step dad fight on moving day his family moves away and abandons him. Now he has to face life and his bullies head on.
Follow him as he embarks on a coming of age journey where anything goes.

Living with best friend Ana that he has fancied for years is, well interesting, especially when her boyfriend Mark lives there too. With stolen glances added to the mix it makes for an explosive cocktail.

He moves out and meets Clara and he thinks it could be love at first sight, but when Ana comes knocking at his door, will he give into temptation?

After receiving some life changing news he is overcome by his emotions. On a path of self-destruction he wants one thing, retribution against his tormentors, but in his escalating rage just how far will he go?

UK

ROW

depression · family · Life

Tormented Dad

I’m sick of being nice

I’ve taken so much crap

My rage has been building up

I’m gonna use a bat!

.

Bad luck follows me about

Followed by it wasn’t meant to be

Doors just close on my face

This Shit always happens to me!

.

Rejection, bollocks,

I’ve had enough

I’m Fucking good

But can’t get any luck

.

Weekends working,

This has got to change

My kids do not deserve this

I’m going deranged!

.

Abused outside the court room

Keep my calm

Oh how I would of liked

To of caused harm

.

But nice old me

Said nothing like I do

And got walked over

Like a trampled poo

.

Could of been nasty

Stuck in the knife

That is luckily not me

Affecting someone else’s life

.

I thought two steps ahead

Of the knock on effect

Overall who would suffer

From my move to dissect

.

As I believe

It is not for me to say

I know that life will present

All her nasty ways

.

And although maybe I’m bitter

My hatred so strong

I’ve always tried

Just to get along

.

For the sake of our boy

Who deserves none of this

For all your selfish actions

Even when you take the piss

.

I will be civil

Even though I can’t stand you

Your bullshit will show finally

And your transparency will shine through

.

My new book “Rhyming poetry to change your day” is now available in paperback and kindle formats.

.

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Phil lister 20/01/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · family · happy · Life · love

We cannot go back

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I’m a great believer in karma

As you may already know

I believe what goes around comes around

That’s the way it goes

.

I’ve had some proper shitty weeks

It’s been all getting so much

Then my car broke down

Turned out to be the clutch

.

I had had enough

I cried like a child

My dog comforted me

It lasted a while

.

I been asking myself

Is it cause I don’t believe?

I try to be selfless

And the occasional good deed

.

First stress this week over now

My dog has gone to a good home

She has companions

And lots of space to roam

.

I’m still waiting a call for a job

Been a week in all

Every time my phone goes

I think it’s THE call

.

Still awaiting news for the car

Gonna cost a bomb

So much work to be done

Going on for so long

.

Tomorrow stressing me now

Judgement day

Will change all our lives

It is the only way

.

So I try to stay positive

Although lots of negative crap

Think about the future

Because we cannot go back

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My new book “Rhyming poetry to change your day” is now available in paperback and kindle formats.

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Phil lister 17/01/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · family · Life · work

A good cry

I’m calling out for help

Friends, family

Begging almost

I don’t know how to get through

I feel it coming

Washing up

Tears trickle down my cheeks

Voice starts to go

End my call

I can understand

Bitter taste

Need to carry on

Then

It floods

Wailing like a child scorned

The only friend I have

That consoles me

The hypocrite

Is man’s best friend

That this bastard cannot keep

I’m just going to give her away

Because she’s too much….

.

In my time of need

She is there

I cry

I cry

I cry

Hysterically

Breakdown finally hits

Will I go on?

Have I got a choice?

Things look bad

They always do

Going through bad times?

Have a good cry

.

My new book “Rhyming poetry to change your day” is now available in paperback and kindle formats.

.

If you liked my work please share πŸ˜ƒ and make my day!

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Phil lister 13/01/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · Life · work

Limbo, ahhhhhh!

I’m in limbo, frustration constantly

Knot in my stomach waiting impatiently

Awaiting the days just to trickle past

Feeling like a novel, feeling, well, alas

Annoyed, biting into my hands

Each meal I eat increasingly bland

Ahhhhhhh I want to scream would it help?

If I punch myself and make myself yelp?

Tell me please I need to know

Why this constant suffering, this woe?

Trying to read, play, sleep even clean

Lol the last time I did, the floor actually gleaned

Motivation zero, what is even the point?

Nothing will make it better, not even a joint

What will I do? What choice do I have?

Just bloody sit here and hope it will not last

.

My new book “Rhyming poetry to change your day” is now available in paperback and kindle formats.

.

If you liked my work please share πŸ˜ƒ and make my day!

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Phil lister 04/01/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com

depression · family · Life

Cry for help

I want to give everything

Take all I have, make it sting

Open me up read me like a book

Analyze me, take a thorough look

Cut me deep to make the crimson flood

Stem the bleeding it’s too much

Dont like what you hear, what you see

I’m just so messed up, sorry I am me!

Smear it all over, smile ear to ear

Chuckle devilishly, taunt and cheer

Having second thoughts, too late now

Such a coward, you don’t know how

Cry like a mess, feel sorry for yourself

What’s the matter, you been left on the shelf?

Take deep breaths can’t be long now

Escape from your hell, take a bow

Sorry call for help cause you call for no one

Of course not, otherwise where would be the fun?

In your twisted little mind fragile as it is

You think about yourself trying to do the biz

Think about the others all around you

What the hell are they going do do?

Do they deserve to lose you, really, no one cares?

Think about it beforehand instead of giving scares

Talk to someone, you must share, don’t be alone

For God sakes pick up the god damn phone!

.

My new book “Rhyming poetry to change your day” is now available in paperback. Available for free until 4th January!

.

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Phil lister 02/01/18

listerspoetry@gmail.com